


Surprise! We're in Love!

by CaffeinatedFlumadiddle



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: ....at first, Fluff and Angst, Humor, I might add more tags, Keith truly didn't mean for this to happen, Lance gets amnesia, Lance is NOT going to be happy when he finds out, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Shiro is the kind of guy to say 'I told you so' with these things, because Shiro DEFINITELY isn't petty, except he is, he'll forgive him eventually, maturely of course, those are discussed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-30
Updated: 2018-09-22
Packaged: 2019-06-21 13:50:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 21,307
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15559101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaffeinatedFlumadiddle/pseuds/CaffeinatedFlumadiddle
Summary: Lance gets a small bout of amnesia after a mission. This is understandably stressful. Keith… Accidentally makes a mess of the situation. At least Lance is pleased to wake up and find out he has a hot boyfriend.akaLance thinks that he's dating Keith after losing his memory and Keith is too awkward to correct the situation.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooo...Hi. There's a chance that some of you know that I'm writing a different series right now and I SHOULD be working on those last 2 fics. Worry not. I definitely am! I just realized today that this was in my drafts and was about to be deleted so I figured I would post the first chapter. Idk why it's in my drafts because I basically finished it, but my laziness apparently extends to simply pressing the 'post' button. 
> 
> Anyways! I don't own Voltron. I hope you enjoy!

The entire situation was absolutely terrifying.

On one hand, finding Lance was a relief. There had been weeks of searching with no answers and only limited clues on where the missing paladin had been taken after a mission completely blew up in their faces. On the other hand... Finding him floating in a tube of unknown liquid and strapped to various machines was less than ideal. It had taken _hours_ to get him out. This was mainly because Shiro didn't want to risk hurting him by mistake and enlisted the help of almost every member of the coalition to ensure his safety.

Once he was out - they had thought it was a success... Up until he opened his eyes.

Then it was just ten minutes of straight Spanish. Keith had _no_ idea what the Hell he was saying...Eventually, he began to switch to English, perhaps realizing that nobody understood what was happening. Again, this was sort of a relief... Him talking to them was good. What he was _saying_? Maybe not so much.

"Just tell me where I am. Please." He tried and Keith closed his eyes. He could hear Shiro murmuring to some alien space-doctors and Coran attempting to cajole Lance into getting into the Altean pod, but Lance was not having it. "Come on, I don't - I'm _not_ going in there!" He snapped, voice sharpening towards the end as he inched away from the Altean. Hunk was on his other side, watching the scene carefully.

"Lance," He called "Who am I?"

"I don't know."

"Who is that?" He asked, pointing at Pidge. Lance's eyes flicked to her before he shook his head.

"I don't know."

"And that?" Hunk continued, nodding towards Keith. Lance's eyes narrowed.

"I _said_ that I _don't know_." He growled. His hands clenched by his side, jaw tightening as he looked around the room. Keith could feel the frustration coming off of him in waves, but stayed silent. Hunk nodded immediately, backing off. There were a couple beats of silence. Shiro sighed, walking up to them with exhaustion written in his eyes.

"How are you feeling?" He asked and Lance crossed his arms.

"Confused." He spat and leaned away from the group "I wake up in the middle of...of... This!" He said, gesturing vaguely around them "Without any indication of what's going on and nobody will tell me anything!" His voice rose a bit when he spoke, a note of hysteria playing into his tone. Shiro reached out, hand hovering over his shoulder, but not quite touching him. 

"This is confusing." Shiro agreed, tone placating "We're going to do our best to work it out. We're friends. You work with us and during a mission, you were captured by some enemies. It looks like they've messed with your memory a bit, but we'll figure out a way to get it back." He told him. Lance narrowed his gaze.

It was weird... Seeing him like this.

Sure, it made _sense_ Lance would be on edge given the position he had awoken in... But it also seemed so... Out of character? This version of Lance was so tense and cautious. Almost like he expected them to turn at any given moment. It was kind of confusing in some ways. If he lost his memories then why would he know _to be_ wary of waking up in a strange ship? He certainly didn't know. Perhaps Pidge did. By the way she was tapping at her computer though... She had other things on her mind. Keith sighed and turned away. It wasn't like he was helpful in this situation... He might as well hit the training room.

He didn't bother getting into any armor. For the sake of just venting his emotions a little, he went for the easier levels. Keith was always better at communicating with actions more so than words. It was almost like a language in itself...And swords were his favorite dialect. A parry meant something completely different than a feint or a block... And it revealed so much more than empty words that could easily be spun into lies.

"Which one are you?"

Keith paused in training to see Lance by the door. He was watching Keith warily, not fully inside the room, but edging towards it. Keith lowered his sword. He expected someone else to be with him - but Lance appeared to be alone. Strange, considering the training room wasn't the most obvious place to navigate towards when exploring the ship.

"Keith."

"Huh," Lance frowned and took a few more steps inside "You don't...Look like a Keith."

"Well, what _do_ I look like?" Keith snorted, lowering his weapon. Lance looked at the sword for a second before frowning and letting his eyes drift back up to Keith's face.

"Hm... I don't know. A Damon maybe? Nico?"

"Those are terrible names." Keith informed him and his bayard retracted to its non-weaponized form. Lance shrugged, stuffing his hands in his pockets.

"I was just saying... Didn't really mean for it to be an insult." He told him matter-of-factly "Why aren't you with the others?"

"Why aren't _you_?" Keith threw back. He expected this to rile Lance up or nudge in the direction of their normal bickering. The paladin only chuckled and shook his head though. He glanced over his shoulder before biting his lip.

"It's a bit overwhelming to be around them." He admitted bluntly "I get the feeling my mind likes to think a lot of things at once. I needed to find somewhere more..."

"Quiet?" Keith suggested. Lance pulled his brows together.

"Distressed."

Keith wasn't sure what that meant. He debated about asking, but Lance had already drifted away, running his fingers over some of the training weapons with interest. His hand hovered over the gun.

"You'll hurt yourself." Keith warned bluntly. He would admit - if pressed - that the normal version of Lance was pretty skilled with a gun. He doubted the skills came naturally though. If Lance attempted to use that thing without any memory of what he was doing then they both may end up without limbs. Lance hummed but didn't pull away.

"No, I won't."

Honestly, Keith wasn't sure what he expected. He tensed, ready to wrestle the thing away from him if he continued to be an idiot, but Lance's hand fell away.

"I hate guns." He announced. Keith snorted. "I know the other guy... Hunk, I think. He said I use one when we... Do whatever it is we do." He mused and sighed "But I know that I hate them. Something... Looking at them makes me feel this pain in my chest." He shook his head "I really... I really don't like them." He reiterated. Keith stared. He hadn't really thought about it, but... He supposed their bayards had been chosen for them. Lance wouldn't have had any say in what weapon he used. It just seemed a bit surreal that the lions, who were supposed to be able to read their souls or whatever, would pick a weapon Lance hated.

Still. He didn't say anything. Keith had never been great with conversation and Lance's announcement wasn't exactly easy to reply to. He just watched instead.

"Are we friends?" He asked suddenly and Keith reeled a bit at that.

"Uh..." He floundered because... Not really? According to Lance, they were rivals. They fought and bickered and always tried to outdo the other. But at the same time Lance had disappeared on that mission because he knocked Keith out of the way. Keith had spent the past few weeks in a stressed haze of anger trying to get him back. He was pretty sure normal rivals didn't do those kinds of things. Lance waited for the answer. "We... Sort of." He went with "It's a bit complicated."

Lance blinked.

"Oh..." He said slowly before raising his eyebrows " _Oh_. I... Okay. I didn't... Huh." He stuttered and for some reason his face went bright red for a moment. "How did we-"

" _Lance_!" Shiro strode into the room, relief playing at his features as walked over "You cannot just leave like that." He scolded "We told you to stay - Keith." The man interrupted himself, catching the paladin's eye. Keith rolled his eyes. Honestly, Shiro should know that he would be here. Shiro's eyes flicked between them. "You have to tell us where you are." He finally sighed "Just until we can get your memory back."

"Sorry." Lance said immediately and it sounded more placating than actually apologetic. He was looking at Keith, head tilted a bit to the side with a bit of wonder touching his features. Keith shifted. Lance had never looked at him like that before. It was... Strange. To be at the center of his attention without any annoyance or competitiveness attached. He found himself a little overwhelmed by it.

"Dinner is ready." Shiro prompted and Lance's gaze disappeared from him. "We made your favorite."

"What's my favorite?" Lance asked and Shiro smiled.

"Come and see." He coaxed and Lance nodded, but waited until Shiro's back was turned to follow him. Keith dropped his weapon and matched his stride. Lance's shoulders brushed against his and he was a little puzzled by the sudden willingness to trust when he had regarded everyone else with such askance. Still he didn't question it. In fact... He found himself kind of flattered.

 _He_ was the one Lance trusted. Not Hunk. Not Shiro. Not Pidge. Or Allura or Coran. Him. Why that was? He had not the slightest clue. He just knew nobody trusted him so readily before. Not like this at least. To think Lance would be the first was almost laughable.

Still... He wasn't about to complain.

* * *

Lance did not leave his side.

Normally, if someone had been stuck to his side like glue - especially someone like  _Lance_ \- Keith would find himself at the end of his rope... But... Something about the situation was so new and foreign that he couldn't find it within himself to be annoyed. Lance without his memories was different, yet the same. It was strange. 

Part of him couldn't help but wonder if this is how things between them could have been if they had met under different circumstances. Without the stupid rivarly. He tried to think about how it would go down. A coffeeshop, a beach, or maybe just the grocery store. What would they have talked about? What would have changed?

Of course, that's not to say Lance still didn't compete with him or that they didn't bicker. It was just... Softer now. Keith found himself unsure of how to handle it most of the time. Lance would throw out an insult and smile at him. It was warm and teasing and... Keith found himself drowning a bit in it.

"Why is my armor blue?"

"What?" Keith asked, looking up from cleaning his blade. Lance was on the couch, munching on some goo Hunk had made "Oh," He frowned when he realized what Lance was asking "Uh, well you piloted the blue lion at first. But then Black chose me as her paladin and Red chose you and Blue chose Allura."

"Why couldn't Red had just picked Allura?" Lance frowned, propping himself up on his elbows "Did.... Did I upset Blue?" He asked and Keith paused "Did I do something wrong?"

He hadn't considered that Lance would view Red's acceptance as Blue's dismissal. Keith thought back to the day he had come into his room to ask about leaving the team... That made so much more sense now.

"No." He shook his head "No, Allura just didn't fit with Red, I guess." He said, but Lance still looked bothered. His fingers thrummed on the couch.

"What are paladins of the red lion supposed to be like?" He asked quietly. Keith pulled his brows together and put the sword down.

"Tempermental. Hot headed." He shrugged "Some say volatile, but it also respects humility according to Allura." He said. Lance stayed quiet.

"And the blue lion?"

Keith wasn't sure why this line of questioning was so important, but figured Lance was trying to fill in the gaps of himself that had been stolen.

"Loyal. Loving." He said, thinking of how different and similar Allura and Lance were to fill in those roles "Lots of energy." He snorted with a roll of his eyes. Lance said nothing. Silence ticked by them and Keith tried to figure out what the Hell was happening. A silent Lance was never good. In fact, Keith wasn't sure what a silent Lance _meant_.

"I see." He finally said and rolled on his back so he could stare at the ceiling. Keith felt curiousity nudge at him, but said nothing. He wasn't sure how to comfort people really... He might just make things worse. He thought about some of the things Lance did when people were upset. He wasn't even totally sure that Lance was upset, but... He pursed his lips. Slowly, he moved off the couch and next to him. They were far enough apart so they weren't touching, but Lance seemed aware of presence all the same. He turned and their eyes met.

"I wish I could remember you."

The words were almost inaudible with how gently they were said. Keith felt a bit like a liar in those moments. This version of Lance didn't seem to understand how much he resented Keith. How frustrated he was with the paladin's mere existence. He should have informed him, but... He wasn't entirely sure how. He liked how Lance seemed to relax around him. How he smiled lazily and secretly at him. Keith moved a little closer for no other reason than he knew he was allowed to and Lance sat up.

"You'll remember me soon." Keith shrugged, trying to ignore the proximity now that Lance's face was inches away from his. "Shiro is working on-"

Whatever else he might have said was cut off by Lance's lips suddenly on his. Keith didn't hesitate to reciprocate that action. Hands weaved themselves into his hair and suddenly Keith's logic caught up with his actions. He jerked away, heart thudding way too quickly. Lance's eyes widened.

"Sorry!" He yelped and let go "I -fuck." He stuttered "I thought... You said we were sort of friends so I thought that meant..." He trailed off, face bright red.

Oh _shit_.

Keith should really work on his communication skills. Lance was still stuttering, pulling back and Keith felt a stab of panic as the retreat. He reached out and grabbed Lance's hand.

"No, no." He said before he could think better of it "I just... You didn't remember me so I didn't think you would...Do that." He finally said. Confusion flickered over Lance's face before morphing into relief.

"Oh." He said and his shoulders slumped "Okay. I was so worried I read that wrong." He breathed out, falling a bit against the couch. At Keith's lack of response, looked over at him wrinkling his nose just a bit. "We... We _are_ dating right? I just kind of need a verbal confirmation." He laughed nervously "Because I obviously don't remember and... Yeah."

_Fuck. Fuck. Say no, Keith. You better freaking say no or else this is going to bite you in the ass later. Just say-_

"Yeah. Yeah, definitely."

_You moron._

"It's just... We haven't told anyone yet so that's kind of why I've been...You know, distant."

_You're digging yourself deeper. Might as well throw a coffin in with you because you are a dead man._

"Huh." Lance frowned "That...Makes sense. Why are we keeping it a secret?"

Remain _calm_. This was under control. He had this under control. Definitely.

"Um... Shiro, mainly."

"Shiro?"

"Yeah. He's... He wouldn't approve." Keith smiled weakly "We're waiting for the right time to tell him. So. Yep." He said, popping the p at the end of the word. Lance looked a little puzzled so Keith kept going because he had committed to be a moron "Yeah. Definitely can't let Shiro know...Anything."

* * *

"Shiro I fucked up."

"If you broke something of Allura's I can't help you." Shiro said, not looking up from whatever he was reading. He must have sensed Keith's panic because he looked up slowly and sighed "What happened?"

There was a pause as Keith considered the situation.

"So Lance thinks we're dating."

"You and I?" Shiro snorted and when Keith shook his head gave a soft 'ohh' before rolling his eyes "That must have been awkward to explain to him. You didn't hurt his feelings, did you?" He asked suspiciously and when Keith didn't answer, narrowed his eyes "Keith... You did...Tell him you _weren't_ dating, right?"

Keith remained silent.

"Keith, look at me."

"I tried!"

"I can't believe this." Shiro groaned "You can't _lie_ about that!" He scolded and Keith made a series of noises as he gestured around the room, trying to explain the situation. Shiro remained unimpressed. "You need to tell him."

"He'll hate me again!" Keith groaned

"And this time you'll deserve it." Shiro shot back "It'll only get worse if you wait, Keith." He warned. Keith nodded. He knew this, logically speaking. However the idea of sitting Lance down and telling him the truth...Seemed less than ideal. Perhaps Shiro read his mind because he sighed "Think about how upset he's going to be when he gets his memory back. That's pretty humilating."

Shiro was right. Of course he was. Shiro's always right. He was kind of an idiot sometimes, but he was the kind of idiot that was somehow never wrong about these things and Keith _hated_ it.

"Fine." He muttered. He wasn't entirely sure why he even went to Shiro - the man just told him what he didn't want to hear and already knew. Muttering bitterly, he left the room. Right. This was fine. He just needed to find Lance and-

"Hey!" As if summoned, Lance popped around the corner with his eyes bright and wide. Keith had never noticed before, but normally there was a shadow in his gaze. The Lance he knew was usually so full of energy that Keith hadn't really thought to look for any darkness in him, but... now that it was gone it felt...Unsettling "I've been looking everywhere for you!"

"You...Have?" Keith frowned. He didn't look upset so he couldn't have found out...

"Yeah, look!" He said held out his hands. A plate of cake sat between them. Keith stared. "Hunk helped me make it. He said vanilla was your favorite. I'm more of a chocolate guy myself, but I'll forgive you for being boring, I guess." He smiled brightly and Keith wanted to cry.

This was the fucking issue.

Normal Lance was easy to be harsh and dimissing of because Lance was always picking fights. _This_ Lance was sweet in a way Keith just did not know how to deal with. Is this how he treated everyone he liked? Because if so he suddenly understood why Hunk doted on him so much.

"Thank...You..." He choked out and accepted the plate. I felt like he was being served a bomb. Lance tilted his head, possibly noting the war of emotions currently playing over Keith's face. There was also the small chance that Keith was having a medical crisis.

"Oh. Do you not like cake or something?" Lance frowned and Keith realized he was wringing his hands "Uh..Sorry. I should have thought of that. I didn't think that through." He said quickly.

God damnit.

"No, no! I like it!" He said, almost desperately. Because if Keith wasn't used to _receiving_ affection from Lance he was even worse at  _giving_ it. "I love it." He rectified and swallowed. Lance looked doubtful so Keith took a bite to prove his appreciation... It was pretty good. He gave a weak smiled and held out the fork for Lance to have a bite.

"I'll admit Hunk did most of the work." Lance admitted, licking his lips "But my _heart and soul_ went into that so I think that counts for something."

Keith would tell him tomorrow. Tomorrow was good.

...God, he was so screwed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah yes. Lance is sooooo sweet/mysterious without his memories. lol. Keith has a big storm coming. Pray for this boy because I'm about to put him through an emotional wringer.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> RIP my updating schedule. Life decided to just punch me in the throat. Which like... Fair. But also please leave me alone I am but a small person trying to write fanfics lol. 
> 
> Updates may be slower, but I promise they are coming! I made this chapter a bit long due to the wait so enjoy that. Warning: this chapter kind of starts fluffy, but things are going downhill real fast. 
> 
> Disclaimer: voltron is not mine
> 
> ***NOTE: I updated on the 5th not the 6th! If it’s saying I updated it’s because of technical difficulties on my part. It’s a mess. I’m a mess. I always forget to fix the dates before I post chapters. I’m sorry.

This was not going to plan.

Granted, Keith didn't exactly...Have a plan. He had more of a vague idea of how he would like things to go and a less vague understanding that things were not going to work out that way.

Still, he was trying his best to figure out how to deal with the situation.

Turns out that Keith is actually a really good boyfriend. He wasn't for sure if this was a surprise to Lance or not, but Keith was kind of shocked at his own abilities. He was good at being on time for meetings, an 'excellent listener' (a quote from Lance himself), and an even better kisser. Which... Well. They didn't do a whole lot of on account Keith tried to avoid that part at all costs.

Not that he didn't enjoy it...He actually really, really liked it. It just made him feel so terribly guilty.

He was an awful person.

It wasn't like he hadn't _tried_. Keith had sat Lance down on a few occasions at this point with the goal of telling him the truth, but... Lance would undoubtedly do something that sent him reeling and rethinking the decision. Keith was also extremely weak when it came to Lance's puppy dog eyes as well. 

It was such a complete one eighty from where their relationship originally stood that Keith kind of felt like he had been slapped really hard and then placed on a different planet.

...Which wasn't actually impossible and sounded more realistic than him _dating Lance McClain_.

"Can I braid your hair?"

"Can you what my what?" Keith spluttered, face flushing. Lance tilted his head, face impossibly innocent as he moved a bit closer to Keith.

"Your hair. Can I braid it?"

"Why would you want to do that?" Keith asked, a little overwhelmed. He didn't know how to deal with this. He really, truly didn't. Luckily, Lance wasn't trying to _completely_ kill him today because the sweetness in his gaze melted into exasperation. The hint of fondness still threw him a bit out of the loop though.

"Because it's long enough to braid and I'm bored." Lance told him and leaned over to tug at a strand "What? Are you worried you'll be blinded by my beauty if your mullet is out of your eyes?" He asked and Keith was torn between pushing him away and pulling him closer. Lance ended up deciding for him as he shuffled around so he was behind Keith and ran his hands over his scalp. "...Well?"

"Yes. Sure. Fine. Whatever." Keith muttered. Lance snorted and continued running his hands through the strands. It felt kind of...Nice. Comforting. Lance's hands were impossibly soft (Keith had recently gotten the opportunity to hold them so he now knew this) which was kind of surprising considering he trained so much with his gun.

"Can you tell me about my family?"

...Oh no. He tensed and Lance's fingers froze.

"I...Uh, I do have one, right?" He asked, voice suddenly high and strained. Keith swallowed.

"Yeah. Yeah, you do." He said and shifted a little uncomfortably. The truth was he knew very little about it. Lance never confided in him with that stuff. He had a better chance with Hunk or maybe even Pidge. "You get homesick a lot though. So... You don't always like to talk about it."

This was pretty accurate at least. Keith wasn't the best with social awareness, but he knew that much at least. When Lance _did_ mention his family around Keith he tended to get quiet and lost in thoughts. It was weird to think those memories were gone now. Whatever comfort Lance had once had in that vanished. He swallowed.

"Ah," Lance said. There was a hint of disappointment hidden in the tone and Keith could feel him start braiding again "Tell me something else then."

"Like what?"

"I don't know. Anything." He requested "I don't know...Any of it. So. Yeah. It's like meeting you all over again, I guess."

 _Meeting you all over again_. That definitely was one way to put it. Keith leaned back, resting a bit into Lance's shoulder. The boy chuckled and pushed him forward a bit so he could continue braiding. Keith tried to think of something he could say.

"You want to hear how we met?"

"Sure. I'm assuming I was dashing and charming and you fell dramatically into my arms?"

"You wish," Keith snorted and tugged at the sleeves of his jacket "We were kids. You were wearing... This really stupid t-shirt with a shark on it and torn jeans. I remember your mom was with you and you were chattering away in Spanish." He began. Lance's fingers paused for a moment before continuing "We went to the same school so it was like orientation." He said and smiled a little "You were really excited."

"Did I speak English back then?"

"Yeah," Keith hummed "You just sometimes forgot which you were speaking back then. You always switched between the two... I was trying to draw something in the back of the classroom when you looked over at me."

"Wow," Lance drawled sarcastically "Anti-social Keith. I would have never guessed." He scoffed. Keith flicked his leg, but didn't really deny it. He liked his time alone.

"You just kind of...Walked over and asked me what I was drawing... Which is super weird, by the way. Who goes up to random stranger and does that?" Keith grumbled "I was super embarassed because I really, _really_ didn't want to show anybody and I kind of snapped at you to go away."

"Mean."

"Sorry," Keith rolled his eyes "You didn't leave though. You just kept talking to me... About everything."

"Everything?"

"Everything." Keith confirmed "You told me about the beach you were from, what you thought of the teachers so far, how the desert made you feel a little scared sometimes... You talked about how you loved lemons, but not so much limes and how you really liked my backpack." He added with a small chuckle.

"What was the backpack?"

"It was literally just a black backpack. I think you were desperate for conversation." Keith admitted. Lance had stopped braiding now so Keith took the opportunity to just lean back into him. He was warm. Part of him kind of wanted to roll over so he could see what face Lance was making, but decided against it. Sometimes it was easier to talk when he couldn't see his face. "I wanted you to stop talking so I just shoved my notebook at you to show you what I was drawing."

"What was it?"

"A dog. It was terrible. You said it was the best cat you've ever seen."

"Ouch. My bad."

"I realize now that you are just _really_ bad with drawings. We played pictionary once... It was terrible." Keith shook his head. He tried not to think about the horror behind that game. Lance's laugh was warm on his neck. Keith smiled before realizing he had to finish the story. "So...Yeah. We were friends for a couple years then eventually we dated." He shrugged. Lance shifted a little under him.

"Really? That's it?"

"What more could there be?"

"I...I don't know." Lance frowned "I guess I just thought there might be more." He reasoned and yawned "Thanks for telling me."

"Sure." Keith sighed and turned around. He was so fucking pretty. When had that happened? Sure, Keith had noticed objectively that Lance was considered attractive, but he hadn't like. _Noticed..._ You know? Dear God his life was crumbling to pieces. 

"Can I kiss you?"

Keith wasn't sure _why_ Lance insisted on asking this every time. It was weird because he did it without any guidance of memory so either Lance just naturally felt the need to always ask or he geninuely was uncertain if Keith wanted to kiss him. Which. Considering Keith's attempts to sometimes get out of it... He could understand that line of thinking.

"No." Keith answered for no other reason than to watch Lance's lower lip pucker a bit. He rolled his eyes and closed the distance between them.

Maybe Lance would never get his memory back. Keith was fine with filling in the gaps.

"Wait," Keith said after their lips touched, snapping his mouth shut. This was wrong. He knew it was wrong. Lance paused and pulled away. "There's something I need to talk to you about."

He could do it this time. 456th time was the charm right? Well. 453 of those attempts were in his mind, but he was still counting them.

"Okay." Lance said and looked forlornly at his hands. Keith frowned. _He_ had no reason to look sad. "Just get it over with."

"Get what over with?"

"I...Aren't you breaking up with me?" He asked, voice going a little small at the end. Keith felt his mouth drop. Dude. This wasn't even fair. Lance bit his lower lip for a second before looking up at him and for a second Keith thought he might have been stabbed. "It's okay!" Lance told him quickly, possibly reading the sheer panic in his eyes. "I... Get it. I might not act like how I used to and it's probably weird having the person you're dating be...not the same." He said and wrung his hands together "I'm sorry."

Just to reiterate: this wasn't fair.

"Christ," Keith muttered and tugged him back "No. No that isn't it at all." He sighed " _You_ did nothing wrong. It's me. I fucked up." He admitted and Lance's brows furrowed a bit at that. Geninue curiousity played over his features before softening. Keith opened his mouth to continue, but Lance's smile caught him a little off-guard.

"You look nervous." He said and brushed his cheek.

"Yeah. Well. You'll understand why in a couple seconds."

"Nah."

"What?"

"Don't tell me." Lance shrugged and dropped his hand "Whatever it is... I'm sure it can wait. I like how things are right now. I get the feeling it isn't going to stay that way so... If you don't want to tell me then I don't want to know." He shrugged "I would rather just go back to kissing you, thanks."

Keith snorted. He felt similiar, but Lance wasn't the one in a serious ethical debate here.

"You won't be saying that when you know the truth."

"Maybe... But do you want to tell me?" Lance asked and Keith swallowed... Then shook his head. There were a lot of reasons why he couldn't find it within himself to tell Lance the truth. The main one being he didn't want to hurt him. Keith, being a complete dumbass, had let this go on too long for it not to be painful anymore. But also... Keith did enjoy this. A lot. In ways he kind of didn't expect. There were little things about being special to Lance that Keith had never been privy to in the past. Certain smiles and whispers. Secret jokes. A sense of attachment that Keith had never experienced before.

It wasn't just that Lance _liked_ him. It was that Lance _needed_ him in a way Keith hadn't realized he was able to even do... And if he was completely honest... He was finding the vice versa was true as well. Keith didn't like to depend on people. The list of people he readily depended on was as followed: Shiro.

That was it. It was just Shiro.

So adding in a new person was...Scary. And not ideal - especially considering he was running on borrowed time.

Yet for some reason he just couldn't stop.

"Then this is your free pass," Lance continued "If you want to tell me go ahead, but if you don't... Let's just ignore it." 

God, he was drunk on poison.

* * *

Lance didn't like guns. He _did_ like scented candles. He talked to animals and sometimes nodded as if they responded to him. He also liked to write little notes on his hands and almost always stuck out his tongue a little when he was concentrating really hard on something. If he learned something new that particularly interested him he could go on and _on_ about it in a flurry of excitement while dramatically throwing his hands in every direction.

It was strange, little things that made Keith wondered exactly how important memories even _were_.

"There's a good chance it's all subconscious." Pidge pointed out to him one night. Lance and Coran were discussing the idea of some sort of hypnotist thing as a treatment. "Like... His memories are there. They just can't reach the surface so they just affect how he percieves things without him having the proper context." She reasoned. Keith blinked.

"So... If he had a really good memory with a dog or something then he would like dogs now?"

"Exactly. He just wouldn't know _why_ he liked dogs." Pidge said. Keith frowned. That can't be right. Otherwise he would have already figured out he inherently didn't like Keith. Not that he could point that out considering their relationship was very much a secret. Keith wasn't ready to let the team know he was a trash person quite yet.

"Oh." He said instead, stabbing the goo Hunk had just shoved in front of them. "Do...You think he'll get his memories back soon?" He asked and Pidge shrugged. She tapped her fingers against the table thoughtfully, pulling herself away from her laptop to look at Keith thoughtfully.

"Hard to say. Nobody had found anything particularly useful." She commented "You've been spending a lot of time with him...Which is weird by the way."

"So?" Keith asked, a little defensive. "What does that have to do with anything?"

"Well you would have noticed the changes in him the most." Pidge said, putting her chin in her hand "He still doesn't trust the rest of us. Just you. Which... Maybe it has to do with being your right hand?" She theorized "And I guess he  _was_ the first one of us that accepted you as Voltron's leader. Maybe he's always trusted you implicitly and just didn't want to address it." She mused. Hunk snorted from his end of the table.

"Yeah. That sounds like Lance." He mused and Keith pressed his lips together at that. This was confusing. Lance trusted him before? No. No, it didn't feel the same back then as it did now. Or maybe... Maybe this was the first time he's noticed it? No. That was wishful thinking on his part.

"But he trusts you guys too." Keith tried weakly "Always. He never questions anything you guys do."

This was also true. He knew for fact Lance's faith in Pidge and Hunk in particular was unwavering. Where there had been some shaky instances with Allura and Shiro, Lance never faultered in loyalty with his two best friends... Even when he wasn't sure they deserved it.

"With some stuff, yeah." Hunk said "But _trusting_ someone and _entrusting_ someone is kind of different. I don't think many people get to that level with Lance. He can be kind of closed off sometimes." He noted with a bit of a frown "The first time he told me something personal it was...I don't know. I felt a little like I was pulling teeth."

"He tells us personal stuff all the time." Pidge said, wrinkling her nose. "I know _way_ too much about his free time. Trust me on that."

Keith hated how that caught his attention. Luckily, Hunk was quick to dismiss her.

"Nah, I mean...Personal to him. Like... He writes music sometimes." Hunk said and winced a little "Don't... yeah, maybe don't tell him that I said that, but I found it in our dorm once. I thought it was good so I tried to get him to talk to me about it. He kept saying he didn't really like music that much. Even now I can't get him to admit it." He said "It doesn't seem like a big deal, but it obviously is to him."

"He doesn't tell me any of that stuff!" Keith said, a little panicked. Were they implying Lance thought that highly on him? Keith didn't even know what Lance liked to eat until Shiro told him last week.

"Maybe he never got the chance to," Hunk reasoned "You can be a little hard to talk to sometimes, dude."

Oh? So now this was _his_ fault? He groaned and stabbed moodily at his food goo. He was so confused. And tired. And just... Stressed.

This obviously made him moody...and tragically certain people were not afraid to point it out to him. 

“You’re being mean.” Lance told him flatly. Keith stared. Mean. That was the word they were going with? “What happened? A level 999 droid beat you or something?” He asked, crossing his arms. 

“No.” 

“Then what? Because you snapped at everyone all day and you haven’t even looked at me. Me! I’m wonderful to look at.” Lance informed him (as if Keith hadn’t already noticed that).

”I’m just tired.” 

“Lame excuse, but I’ll take it.” Lance grumbled and grabbed his hand. Keith bit his lip. He went to tug it away, but Lance fixed him with a glare so intense that Keith felt himself a little taken aback. “Don’t be a baby.” 

“Where are we going?” Keith whined and was immediately answered as Lance punched open the code to his room. Keith felt panic rise in his chest, settling in an uncomfortable lump somewhere in his throat. Fuck. _Fuck_. Was this sex? Were they having sex?! Keith knew he had crossed some lines, but this was less a line and more like...A border into another country that you needed three passports, a letter of recommendation, three security patdowns, and a straight A report card to get through.

None of which Keith happened to have.

Lance fell to the bed and Keith briefly considered faking a medical emergency.

"You look like you're about to cry."

Fun fact: He was.

"I'm fine. I just... Uh..." He spluttered and Lance's lips twitched with amusement before he looked away. Keith continued trying to find the right words before finally giving up and just standing there like a freaking moron. Lance stretched out on the bed, giving him a smug smile.

"So like...Are we going to take a nap or what?"

Okay, _fuck_ this guy. Keith felt his face burn as Lance tilted his head back and laughed, patting the space next to him. Right. Keith was definitely going to kick his ass the next time they trained. He had been going easy on him considering the current circumstances, but apparently Lance without his memories was still a _dick_ so forget that.

"Screw you." He muttered and kicked off his shoes and shuffled forward. He was still a little nervous. They may not be having sex, but bed sharing felt pretty intimate too. Had Keith ever slept in the same bed with someone before? His heart stopped at the realization that his only memory of such a thing was when he was very young with his father.

"Oh, but you thought you were going to get to." Lance teased and Keith picked up a pilow to suffocate him. That was one solution to all of this. Lance snickered, squirming a little to escape his grasp and Keith lulled himself on the bed under the guise of continuing his attack. "Okay, okay!" He yelped when Keith poked his side. "I'm sorry!"

"Weak." Keith snorted and Lance scowled. He gave a small poke in retaliation and Keith almost jumped a little in shock. Lance's smile grew.

"Ticklish?" He asked and Keith sprawled out on the bed, burying his face in his stomach to avoid answering that. "Good to know." Lance murmured and flicked some hair from his eyes. They stayed silent for a couple minutes - Keith was pretty sure he did fall asleep. When his eyes fluttered open Lance was still awake, staring blankly at the ceiling.

"Are you okay?" Keith yawned. No answer. "Lance...?"

"What?"

"Are you okay?" Keith repeated and frowned when Lance blinked at him slowly, confusion dancing over his features. His brows furrowed together before he licked his lips and nodded. Keith propped himself up on his elbow. There was something...Off. He wasn't for sure what, but...

"Paladins report to the training room immediately."

Lance shot out of bed and Keith was left to debate whether it had all been in his imagination or not.

* * *

"Go Keith!"

He kind of wanted to the droid to stab him. After dodging several hits from his opponent he chanced a look over at the rest of the team to see how they reacted to Lance's cheer. Hunk tilted his head a bit at his friend, but said nothing. Despite the two weeks they had all spent together, Lance still wasn't fully comfortable around everyone else. It was strange... He treated them more as strangers than actual strangers he came across.

"Sequence ended." The module announced and the droid went limp. Keith rolled his shoulders back, wiping some sweat off his brow as Allura shifted up behind him with her bayard out and ready. She looked over at Lance then at Keith.

"Is Lance going against the droids too?" She asked as Keith retracted his bayard. They had experimented a bit to see if Lance's muscle memory would kick in when fighting. Despite everything, he _was_ still a paladin. Red was a bit stubborn in letting him pilot, but they at least got him inside the cockpit which was progress... Keith just hoped they weren't needed too soon.

"Maybe on a simpler level." He answered and stepped aside to let her start the simulation. He went to turn away, but Allura's hand caught his wrist, tugging him back.

"Coran thinks he's found something that might stimulate his memories again." She said and there was a warning in her voice as they locked eyes. "He thinks he could get it working very soon."

She squeezed his wrist a bit tighter and Keith's stomach twisted... So she knew. He wasn't for sure what gave it away... Perhaps Allura would be the first person to notice since Lance would have stopped flirting with her. Then again, Lance and Allura had become more friendly recently. He wasn't sure what that meant, but based on the way the princess' lips were pressed in a tight line and the tautness to her form... She did not approve of Keith's actions.

He didn't approve his own actions though, so really they were on the same page. At least she was trying to warn him.

"That's good." He finally forced out and tugged himself free from her grasp. "Make sure you are guarding your left side when you start. You tend to leave it open."

"Thank you for the advice," Allura hummed and raised her bayard "We wouldn't want anyone getting hurt."

He should have stayed with the Blade.

* * *

"He isn't eating."

"What?"

"Lance," Keith fretted, wringing his hands "Something is wrong with him. He stopped talking. He isn't eating. Do you think the galra did something else to him?" He asked, voice rising a little high that there was now _another_ problem dumped onto the neverending pile. He forced himself to take a breath and looked at Shiro.

Yeah, yeah. He knew he was _technically_ the leader. He had accepted this... But Keith would always go to Shiro when he was lost. The man was a human compass.

"Has he been sleeping?" Shiro asked, standing up. Keith pressed his lips together and shrugged.

"Technically...? He hasn't left his bed in awhile, but I don't know if he's actually sleeping or just lying there." Keith explained. He had tried to get Lance out. He tried literally _everything_ from asking to coaxing to bribing to outright ordering and threatening. Lance was not having it... At least it was good to know his insane stubborness came naturally. Shiro pursed his lips.

"Let's bring him some food then."

"I did. He won't _eat_ it." Keith said, crossing his arms. He was a little annoyed Shiro had thought that Keith wouldn't reach this conclusion.

”Has he drank anything? Fever? Throwing up?” Shiro asked him, walking briskly down the winding corridors towards Lance’s room.

”I...don’t know.” Keith said, a little overwhelmed. Maybe his boyfriend skills aren’t as wonderful as he thought. He didn’t think of any of that. Shiro must have noticed the tension because he gave him a reassuring smile. 

“Hey. We’ll figure it out.” He promised and knocked on Lance’s door.

No answer.

Shiro knocked again.

No answer.

”Lance?” Shiro called and after a few beats of silence he pressed his lips together “Lance, we’re coming in.” He warmed and tapped in the override code so the doors whooshed open. 

Lance was exactly where Keith had left him. Curled in a tangled mess of sheets with his head buried in the pillows. Keith wasn’t entirely sure, but based on the slight shaking of shoulders he could have been crying as well.

”Lance...?” Shiro called again, this time panicked. He knelt by the bed, placing a hand on his shoulder “Hey... what’s going on?” He asked, voice a bit of a whisper.  

“I don’t know...” Came a cracked response. 

Well. Keith had no idea what to do. Apparently neither did Lance. 

“Oh...” Shiro blinked. A strange expression seemed to flit over his face for a moment before he rubbed Lance’s back. “Okay. That’s okay.” He said. Lance made a choking noise. 

“Keith?” 

Shit. Shit that was him. He wasn’t prepared. 

“Yeah?” He asked, hoping he sounded calm. It was sort of...sort of in these moments where he was kind of faced with the reality of everything. 

There were sometimes times... where he _did_ miss the old Lance. The one who Keith was starting to realize was a little angry too. A little hurt and a little dark. He wished he would have noticed that sooner. He wondered what memories made him that way.

He wondered why a lack of memories made him like this. 

“I’m sorry.” Lance said and his voice broke. Keith had no idea why he was apologizing. He looked over at Shiro, absolutely terrified. What did he do? Help. _Help_....

“You haven’t done anything.” He answered and shuffled a little closer. Lance didn’t respond. Instead he reach out and grabbed the edge of Keith’s shirt, clenching it a little. Keith swallowed and sat at the edge of the bed. Shiro frowned.

Shit. Don’t realize, don’t realize, don’t realize....

Lance curled a bit towards him so his face was buried in his side. Keith ran some fingers through his hair.

Well. He was fucked. He couldn’t very well shove off Lance’s plea for comfort - despite his confusion for why he was upset in the first place. And based on Shiro’s face...

Yikes. 

Keith would like to argue in this moment that this was all sort of Shiro’s fault. The man should have taught him better social skills.

Based on the look he was getting...that may not be the best thing to say. 

“Keith....”

They had managed to coax Lance to the pod where Coran agreed to run some tests. Shiro has practically catapaulted him out the door. 

“Yes?” 

“Lance seemed pretty affectionate.” 

“Yes.”

“Does he know?”

“Know what?”

“Keith Kogane Shirogane-”

“Legally I don’t think you can just add your last name to mine-“

”I am so close to kicking your ass I swear to God...”

”I tried! I swear I tried!” Keith burst out and Shiro looked at the ceiling, eyes closed. Keith waited for the lecture. Three...two...one...

”Alright.”

What? 

Keith blinked, tilting his head at his mentor for a few seconds. Shiro looked exasperated, but he wasn’t saying anything. Keith waited...and waited. 

“Umm...alright? Really?”

”You’ll be the one dealing with the consequences, Keith.” Shiro said. He sighed. Of course he would do the whole guilt trip thing. “But I’m going to say for now you might want to stay away.”

”But he’s sick!” 

“Exactly.” Shiro said as if that explained everything... It did not. Shiro finally sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose together before looking at the ceiling. "Listen... I'm starting to wonder if this is more than just miscommunication." He said slowly and Keith tensed. Annoyance bubbled under him at that and he fought it down. He ha done well honing in his temper recently and wanted to fight to keep it that way. Shiro crossed his arms over his chest "You don't want to tell him."

"Obviously."

"Because _you_ like him."

"Obvi - what?!" Keith spluttered. Ridiculous. What the Hell? "No! I - this was just a misunderstanding and I _know_ I need to fix it, but it's hard. And before you try to tell me that fighting in a space war should be harder than this, you should know that I would much rather be training for hours and bonding with black than dealing with...Everything." He shot out, voice rising.

"I think you're enjoying it." Shiro told him, not backing down "And you won't admit it because that means you'll have to admit to yourself that this isn't _real_ and the longer you wait the more you ruin any chance of it ever becoming legitimate."

Keith turned away. He didn't have to deal with this. Shiro didn't even know what he was talking about...

"Ah, there you are."

Coran's voice echoed around the room, making him pause as he went to open the door. Shiro turned, obviously relieved at seeing the Altean. His face wasn't dire enough to cause too much alarm. Keith turned to face him.

"Is Lance okay?" Shiro asked. Coran ran a hand over his mustache before nodding.

"I believe I know what I need to know." He said, voice going a bit cryptic. Keith swallowed a little at that. It wasn't quite the answer he wanted, but then again it could be much worse. "He's asking for you." He added, nodding a little at Keith. Right. Shiro's eyes were burning in the side of his head. He did warn him it would be best to stay away...

"I'll head over there." He said. Coran stared for a moment before giving a brief nod and turning to Shiro. He tried to ignore the disappointed look cast his way. It was no problem. Keith figured it was time to face the music anyways. He walked down the hallway, moving through the endless corridors and turns before reaching where the pods were set-up. He took a deep breath, forcing himself to think of Shiro's words before pushing into the room.

"I've been lying to you." He greeted.

"I figured."

That... Wasn't Lance.

Great. Perfect.

"Hunk... I..." He spluttered, blinking. "Where's Lance?" He asked and the yellow paladin nodded to a cot at the end of the room where Lance was sleeping peacefully. His chest rose and fell for a few seconds before he rolled over, burying his face in the sheets a little. Keith felt himself relax a little. The relief he felt was shortlived since he tensed back up when he turned back to the other paladin.

"You actually the worst liar I've ever seen." Hunk sighed "Both of you."

"Yeah... Yeah, I guessed." Keith muttered. Hunk looked at him. His fists were clenched with his gaze narrowed a little and jaw set. Still, there was no erasing the softness in his eyes that Keith had never once seen disappear... Not matter how angry the other boy was.

"Good for you though," He drawled "Bursting into the room to tell the truth. Very nice."

"That was sarcastic."

"Yes." Hunk said and crossed his arms "Did Coran tell you what was wrong with him?" He asked, raising an eyebrow. Keith shifted and shook his head. Did Hunk know? Probably. Hunk knew basically everything when it came to this sort of thing. "Well it's about to put you in the worst position possible so you and I are going to have to work together to do some damage control."

"That bad?"

"Almost as bad as the day you two met."

That... Wasn't reassuring... But hey, it was all he had for the moment so he was going to take it.

"Let's hear it then."


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm alive! I missed you all. 
> 
> WARNING: this chapter has some discussion of mental illnesses (specifically, depression). The actual illness isn't super prominent, but it is talked about and there are a few symptoms described. 
> 
> Disclaimer: Voltron isn't mine
> 
> Enjoy!

"What...Are these?" Shiro frowned, eyes dancing over the screens Coran was setting up. The Altean didn't bother to glance over at him as he continued throw up more holograms, dimly lighting the otherwise eerie room. Despite the lack of light, Keith could still see everyone's expressions fairly well. It might have been his Galran senses kicking in or maybe Alteans had some sort of weird lighting system.

"Scans," Coran answered "I know very little about human biology so I've been keeping information about your bodies that the pod gathers to get a sense of normal human ranges. Granted, five isn't the  _ideal_ sample... Not to mention one of you is only half-human," He added, eyes flicking towards Keith "But I did my best." 

"That's amazing, Coran." Shiro smiled with an approving nod. Keith nodded in agreement, only half following the conversation. Allura was with Lance in the other room. Coran probably already briefed her on whatever news he was going to tell them. It was a little annoying though. He wasn't sure why an entire presentation was needed when he could just spill the beans on what was happening withe Lance. From beside him, Pidge fidgeted slightly, fingers tapping on her thigh.

"You good?" He asked her, brow raised. Pidge paused and nibbled a bit on her lower lip before offering a half-hearted shrug.

"Yeah... I just hope Lance is okay," She sighed and wrung her hands together "I... Kind of miss him." She added, looking down "He isn't the same without his memories and now this..."

Keith swallowed. He didn't want to think that Lance now was that different than the Lance they had before... Even if he knew it was true. From his other side, Hunk pursed his lips. He hadn't told Keith what was going on either, instead redirecting them into the room where Coran and the others were waiting. He let out a huff of impatience.

"So," Coran started and their names floated up in front of them like a movie screen. A few numbers began to pop up underneath - all in various colors. Coran cleared his throat, nodding at the holograms approvingly before stepping forward. "For the most part humans have very similar ranges in their bodies. For example, humans only have one heart-"

"How many do Altean have...?" Hunk frowned

"Eight."

" _What_?!"

"Not the point," Coran wagged his finger at him, though there was a slight glint in his eye that told Keith that Alteans might not really have eight hearts. It dampened when the older man looked at the screen and sighed "For the most part, all of you are within similar ranges of one another aside from Keith who can sometimes line up with the galran spectrum." 

That was kind of interesting, but Keith was also terrified to ask what the Hell that meant.

"-And Shiro's ranges often fluctuate." He added and Shiro shifted a little. Keith pursed his lips at that. He had initially been incredibly excited to learn about the Altean pods - thinking it could cure Shiro's disease. It was a cold rush of reality to learn it couldn't. In fact, it was part of what made him so angry the first couple of days on the ship. Even alien technology hadn't been enough to save his friend.

He supposed with everything that happened... It didn't matter much now. Shiro was alive and healthy. A miracle in itself.

"Now... These are Lance's scans from the day he first entered the castle all the way until now."

More numbers popped up under Lance's name. Most looked pretty consistent with the rest, but something was highlighted towards the bottom. While most of their numbers for that line ranged around 130 to even as high as 260 at certain points, Lance's was eerily consistent. Always sixty. Sometimes even forty. The highest was a hundred.

Not that Keith had any idea what that meant. His own levels of whatever that number tended to fluctuate between low and high - though never quite dipping under a hundred. Coran watched their expression patiently.

"What is it?" Pidge finally frowned "Why is Lance's so low?"

"I noticed this trend during the beginning of your stay in the Castle of Lions." Coran told them all and the rest of the holograms vanished, leaving only Lance's. "I was concerned so I asked Lance about it. He assured me it was quite normal for him, although he explained it wasn't healthy for a normal human. I hadn't known he was sick."

It was weird to hear Lance's actual name on Coran's tongue, but even weirder to hear that Lance had apparently been sick for awhile. Confusion rolled around the room. Shiro stiffened, arms pinned tightly to his chest.

"He said this chemical was called... Uh, Sarah?"

"Sarah?" Pidge blinked "What the Hell is _Sarah_? We don't have a chemical in our body called Sar-" She started, voice rising slightly before cutting herself off. Everyone turned to her as her eyes widened a little before snapping her mouth shut. "Do you mean _seratonin_?" She asked and Hunk sighed.

"He has depression." Shiro said slowly, seemingly digesting the information. "This whole time...? But he's never shown any symptoms before."

Keith's mouth went dry. Coran closed the holograms again and shook his head. Before he could answer, Hunk was speaking, voice low and bitter.

" _That_ Lance had years of treatment," He said "And had figured out how to best deal with it... This Lance doesn't remember any coping mechanism or even know what's _happening_ to him." 

"You knew?" Keith turned to him, voice going sharp with betrayal "How come you didn't say anything?"

"Are you in the position to be criticizing people staying _silent_?" Hunk asked. The words were calm - not the least bit attacking, but there was still the challenge there that sent Keith seething. Anger bubbled in the pit of his stomach, unsure of what direction it should be released. Keith took a long breath, ignoring the narrowed gaze Pidge sent his way at the comment.

”Well then you know to make him feel better!” Keith argued, crossing his arms. Hunk stared. 

“No.”

”Seriously?” Keith muttered “I mean, you at least know how he dealt with it before, right?" He asked and Hunk pressed his lips together before shaking his head. More frustration began to curl in Keith's stomach. He couldn't specify exactly what the cause of it was - perhaps that nobody had known about this or that there was no clear solution... Or maybe it was guilt under the guise of anger that was making him uncomfortable.

"It's like I told you before. Trusting someone and entrusting them with stuff isn't the same. I only know because when we dormed together the Garrison was legally required to tell me that I had a roommate who was diagnosed with a mental illness. We never talked about it." Hunk explained, crossing his arms. "I have no idea if he was on medication, went to therapy, or...any of that. He occasionally seemed...Off, I guess... But otherwise it was normal."

"Off?" Shiro asked, voice quiet and firm. To anyone else it would be the confident voice of a leader... But Keith could hear the brief panic laced in his words. Hunk twisted his hands together.

"Sometimes he would just disappear for a few days... Or get really moody and tired and sleep a lot. He would burst into tears for no reason or had trouble sleeping... Stuff like that. I assume it all still happens here, but I wouldn't see it because we aren't living in the same room anymore." He reasoned. Keith clenched his hands.

"Why didn't you help him then?" He bit out, voice harsh. He could feel Shiro's eyes lock onto his profile and narrow. "You _assumed_ he was struggling and just...What? Carried on?" He growled.

It was the wrong thing to say and he knew it. Hunk turned to him calmly, but his hands still clenched by his side. There was a moment of silence where the paladins seemed to hold their breath, waiting for an equally callous comment back.

"Who said I never did anything?" Hunk asked, tone eerily collected. "I was by his side the entire time we've been in space and made sure it never got to the point where I felt I needed to tell anyone. Just because you didn't know doesn't mean I never helped him." He said and Keith opened his mouth to retort when Hunk continued "Besides, it isn't like I used his uncertainty as a paladin as an excuse to leave the team."

" _Hunk_!" Shiro said, voice high with shock. A sharp tug of venom curled in his stomach. He felt his body heat up for a moment, but pushed it down. How did Hunk even know about that? Did Lance tell him?

"I... I did not use that as an excuse to _leave_." Keith spat out, heart thudding loudly in his ears "If anything, I left so he wouldn't feel like he had to!"

He hadn't really thought about it before, but... Yeah. Keith knew Lance felt uncertain about where he stood. He also knew Lance was the kind of person to compare. And if he compared himself against Keith and came to the conclusion Keith belonged and he didn't... Well. Keith wasn't willing to take that chance. Sure, Lance could go to the rebellion or maybe even some other space organization to continue the fight, but... He didn't want that. He deserved to be a paladin as much as any of them. Maybe even more so than Keith himself.

"Tell Lance that," Hunk shrugged "Well... I guess you don't have to since he doesn't remember." He said and there was again the underlying tone of disapproval that sent Keith's skin crawling. He tried to find the zen he had fought for within the last couple years. It was wavering and breaking down in his chest - giving to the ire and fear that was melting from his heart. 

He didn't feel like a leader in these moments. He felt like a kid again - wanting to scream and throw things and _force people to see his side, damnit_... But he knew better now. Shiro had made him better. Krolia had made him better. Allura and Coran and Pidge and Hunk had all made him better...

So did Lance.

He was doing a _great_ fucking job thanking them for it.

"I'll tell him the truth," He said weakly "I've been wanting to... It was wrong me to wait this long, but I will." He sighed and Pidge rose her hand, waving it around to gain their attention.

"Yeah. Hi. It's me. Um... What's happening?" She frowned, pushing her glasses up to the bridge of her nose "I feel like I'm missing something important."

Shiro and Hunk looked at him. Keith sighed.

"Lance... Thinks that we're dating. I haven't corrected the matter." He said, shame enveloping him. God, the situation was so _embarrassing_ now that he thought about it. He was supposed to be mature. He was supposed to look out for his team...

"You can't do that."

"What?"

"You can't tell him." Pidge said. She gave no shocked reaction towards Keith's actions, but her lower lip was caught between her teeth as she shook her head. Fingers were still tapping against her leg nervously. "Look at those numbers!" She said, gesturing to Coran's holograms. "He's depressed and has absolutely no tools to deal with it on his own right now. He's going to have to rely on us...Meaning he _needs_ to trust us."

"And you think lying to him is going to build trust?" Shiro asked, shaking his head "Pidge. Come on."

"At this point it doesn't matter. Whether he finds out now or later the result is going to be the same." Pidge argued "We're basically on a countdown to get his memories back now. If he doesn't figure out a way to cope with this by himself and we can't help him then it is just going to get worse. We should at least wait until he's in a better frame of mind-"

"Which is when? Before or after their wedding?" Shiro argued and despite the situation, Keith flushed. Hunk stared.

"Maybe Pidge is right..."

"Hunk!"

"Keith is the _only_ person Lance has been comfortable around since losing his memories. He doesn't act the same around us. Are we really going to take that away from him?" Hunk asked, rubbing his eyes "I know it isn't ideal... But we don't know how much worse he is going to get if we tell him this right now."

"No. No this is wrong." Shiro told them stubbornly.

"This isn't black and white, Shiro." Pidge argued "We have to think about what's best for Lance."

"I cannot believe-"

"Am I interrupting something?"

Fuck. Lance.

The team froze, spinning to see both Allura and Lance standing in the doorway. Keith quickly scanned them up and down to figure out how much they overheard. Lance looked curious and utterly exhausted, but there was no anger or betrayal anywhere on her face. Allura was frowning at them all, but there nothing else given away from her expression either.

"No, my boy." Coran said, swooping in to save the day as always. "We were just discussing your health. Are you feeling quite alright?"

"Allura made me tea," Lance said and smiled warmly at the princess "So I think I'm doing pretty okay."

Really? Keith could make tea. That was hardly a medical remedy for depression. Realizing he probably shouldn't be scowling at that, he wiped his expression clear and nodded. From beside him, Pidge squirmed, giving Shiro a firm gaze.

"That's wonderful!" Coran continued "Maybe spending some time around the red lion will help. I know when King Alfor felt ill he often sought refuge in Red's mighty paws!" He told him brightly. Lance smiled a little at that, but his brows furrowed together.

"Alfor?"

"My father," Allura explained "He was king of Altea and a close friend to Coran."

"Oh..." He nodded and shrugged "I guess I can see Red." He said and gnawed at his lip "Is that who has been talking to me?"

Silence.

"Uh...What?" Hunk asked and Lance shifted away from him a little. His eyes roamed until they met Keith's.

"Someone has been talking to you?" Keith found himself asking and rose. Lance relaxed a bit at Keith's approach, shuffling away from Allura to rest his shoulder against his... Keith tried not to be pleased at the action. Allura rolled her eyes.

"Not like...Talking, but... They give me feelings sometimes. Things that I think I should know."

Well... This wasn't ideal.

"Like what?" Keith asked and Lance's jaw set a little. He gave a reassuring smile and the tension lessened a little, but there was no hiding the concern rising in Lance's eyes, shadowed by a bit darkness under his lashes.

"I don't know. Sometimes I just... Look at things and I know things. I look at the stars and I know I hate them. I look at Shiro and I feel...Uneasy." He admitted and Shiro reeled back a little at that "I look at Keith and...." He trailed off, eyes flicking to the ground. "I'm sorry. I should have told you." He said quietly. "I just... I felt like I shouldn't say anything."

Lance's early permission to keep secrets suddenly made sense. He had his own.

Should that make him feel better or worse?

"I didn't see any signs that the galra have planted anything within your system. It would have to be an ext-" Coran started before cutting himself off. For a second he paused and then pulled at his mustache thoughtfully "Ah..." He said and laughed "Perhaps we are overlooking the obvious." He smiled to himself and the room shifted a little at that.

"Coran?" Allura frowned.

"Red and Blue." Coran said, crossing his arms "They each bonded with Lance since he piloted them. It remains fair to assume they have had access to Lance's memories and are guiding him accordingly."

Wait.

Oh. Okay that made... _Oh fuck no_.

Keith loved Red. He did. He loved Red so much that his heart hurt and Red had proven multiple times that he felt just as strongly about him.

But Red was also a fucking _asshole_.

This wasn't a joke. Keith was still bitter that after letting him nearly die before accepting him as his paladin that he had just roared for Lance to trot on over when Keith took over Black. Red was also impossible to bond with - he liked to continually shut Keith out at the slightest annoyance (i.e. whenever he went to train with the Blade instead of paying attention to him). Red also used to tap into Blue's comms at times just to update him on how Lance was doing (Lance would usually catch him and it always led to an arguement and he swore to God his lion was the biggest dick in the universe).

So yeah. Blue helping Lance out? No problem. _Red_? Keith was concerned.

And still didn't explain everything. Why would the lions make Lance feel more at ease towards Keith and not the rest of the team? Why would they make him wary of his own bayard? He supposed if they did know Lance's memories than it would be something personal to Lance... but...

"Wait," He said, interrupting his own thoughts "Does that mean the lions could potentially restore his memories?" He asked. Red and Blue both had some sort of link to Lance. It stood reason to assume it was possible. The rest of the team looked at one another, each aghast at the suggestion before shrugging.

"Maybe...? I can look into it." Pidge shrugged "Why would they wait to give him back his memories though?" She asked and again, everyone looked at one another blankly. Lance sighed.

"Maybe they just hate me."

The words were meant as a joke, Keith knew. They were light and Lance offered a small smile when he said it, but something about the way his shoulders slumped and light dim told him there was room for concern.

"Nobody could ever hate you." He said dimissively. Pidge scoffed at him and Lance turned a slight pink at the words. There was an awkward silence and Pidge rolled her eyes.

"The lions might be unable to give you back your memories because of a technical reason. Maybe they need more power or something." She suggested. Shiro hummed in agreement.

"It might help to talk to them," He suggested "Perhaps Red or Blue could give you some guidance and what to do next." He said. Lance fidgeted a little, but nodded.

"Maybe..." He said, hunching his shoulders a little "If you think it might help."

"I can take you to Blue," Allura told him "Perhaps with both of us there she might be more willing to let us know what's going on." She said. Lance nodded again and Keith felt a bit displeasure curl in his stomach at the proposition.

"It might make more sense to talk to Red first," He found himself saying "Since that's your current lion and all."

"...Of course," Allura sighed, raising a brow at Keith. "Are you going to take him?"

He did _not_ like her attitude. Then again. Keith wasn't known to exactly be the easiest to get along with... But he was also pretty sure Allura was doing this in purpose.

"We should get something to eat first." He said, looking at the way Lance was leaning heavily on the side of one of the couches. When was the last time he actually had some food? It felt like too long. Lance made a face at the suggestion, but didn't argue. The rest of the team hummed in agreement, though all eyes were fixed on Keith with a bit of trepidation.

Right. They were waiting for Keith's decision... Not that he had an answer. He was good at rash decisions. The ones made in the heat of the moment. Not the ones that required long and thoughtful deliberation. He got too invested in those. Too worried in choosing wrong and ignoring his gut instinct.

"Come on," He said, ignoring the way Shiro was looking at him. He spun around, planning on leaving all the problems in the room behind him. Lance followed suit. Once they got out into the hallway, he felt his shoulders slump. This was a fucking disaster.

"Keith?"

"I'm here."

"I know," Lance said and a warm hand was suddenly on his shoulder. His mind flashed back to when Black first chose him as her paladin. Lance's 'hey man,' still echoed in his ears. "So am I... If you need anything." He said and Keith swallowed.

"I think I should be the one saying that to you." He told him lightly and rose his hand to grab Lance's on his shoulder. He squeezed it "I am so sorry."

"What have you done?" Lance snorted and squeezed his hand back. "I'm the one who has mysteriously lost all motivation, emotion, and memory. I should be apologizing to you." He sighed and let go "I can't imagine how much this must suck. I'm probably a completely different person."

How the Hell could he have such empathy? Even if they were actually dating than this wasn't a normal way to feel. It was a little worrying, really. Was he always like this? How had Keith not noticed? His mind flicked to the few times Lance had forced himself to have a real conversation with Keith. He supposed hints of it had always been there... Just never out in the open. Probably because Lance never trusted him until these moments.

He didn't answer him, instead leading him into the kitchen and pushing him towards the counter. Keith wasn't a fantastic cook by any means, but he knew the basics of how the kitchen worked. Besides. Anything Hunk or Allura could do for Lance, he could do as well.

"I'm sorry I've been like this."

Keith glanced up, eyes wide with panic at Lance's proclamation.

"Wha-? It is not your fault!" He said firmly and sat him down in a stool. He should have clarified that before. He was just so focused on getting some food in him before heading off to Red's hangar...And tea. Keith could make tea. He was actually quite good at making tea. Allura's tea was probably gross Altean tea anyways. "Don't apologize about it."

"Sure..." Lance trailed off, picking at his hands. Keith frowned and tapped the counter to regain his attention.

"I..." He stumbled a little. He wasn't actually sure what he wanted to say - but knew it was important to say "It's okay." He decided on and Lance offered a small smile at that. It was tinged with melancholy - the tips of it not quite reaching his eyes. Keith's heart cracked a little at the sight of it. "You're going to be okay." He promised.

"I believe you." Lance reassured him "I just... I don't know. I'm just tired."

"We don't have to go to see Red right away. We can go, uh, sleep or something." He suggested, darting his eyes away from Lance to focus on putting the correct amount of food goo on his plate. A soft chuckle followed the sentence.

"Sleep or something?" Lance repeated "Are you asking me if I want to cuddle?"

"Ugh," Keith wrinkled his nose "Don't...Put it like that."

"Snuggle?"

"Stop it."

"Spoon?"

"Ew..." Keith complained, feeling his face flush. Lance still looked like a zombie, but at least he was smiling a little. Figures. Memories or not he still enjoyed Keith's suffering.

"Sorry, sorry...Are you asking me if I would enjoy a tender embrace with you on a bed?"

"I'm retracting my offer." Keith muttered, feeling his entire face burn. He slid the food in front of him with a glare. "Eat."

"No! I was going to take you up on it." Lance pouted, picking up his fork "Sleeping and...Yeah." He sighed "Sleeping and wanting to die. Sounds awesome." He hummed, picking up his fork. Keith almost tripped.

"Wanting to die?" He spluttered, alarmed. Lance tilted his head.

"It was...A joke?" He said. Keith blinked. Was it? He couldn't tell. With the new information he was just given it hardly seemed funny. Lance stared at him with curious eyes.

"Don't say things like that." He finally got out and turned away. Tea. Right. He was on a tea mission. Nodding to himself he set back to work. He could feel Lance's eyes on him before he went to swirl the food around on the plate. "Uh... Is there a kettle or anything here?" He muttered to himself and Lance hummed behind him.

"Allura had this weird ball looking thing if that's what you mean... But, um... I'm good. I don't actually like tea that much." He admitted and Keith turned back to him.

"Oh," He said "Coffee then?"

"I...Guess? I don't really know what I like, remember?" Lance shrugged "Do I usually drink coffee?"

"...yes."

Keith had no idea. He was sticking with yes though. Lance scoffed and rubbed his eyes. There was silence after that point. Just the sound of Keith boiling water and trying desperately to find something thta equated to coffee grinds. How would Lance like his coffee, anyways? Black? Cream? Sugar? Both? He turned to ask, but realized Lance wouldn't know either. He gave a huff of frustration.

"You good?"

"I - yes," He lied and crossed his arms. "I'm just overwhelmed, I guess."

 _That_ was truthful at least...And something he hadn't quite meant to slip out either. Lance's face softened a little at the admission, nodding as he leaned over and gently yanked at Keith's sleeve to get his attention.

"Maybe we can train?"

"Are you up for training?" Keith asked, a little disbelieving. He looked so awful that he was a little doubtful they could even make to Red's hangar, let alone train. Still, Lance nodded with probably all the energy he could muster. Keith snorted. "I think I would break you."

"I'm tougher than I look!" Lance argued, a pout hinting at his lips "I'm not breakable." He mumbled and a bit of defiance shone in his gaze as Keith almost burned himself on the mediocre coffee he was creating "Let's do it. I can train."

"We have to go see Red and Blue." Keith argued and Lance crossed his arms "Lance..."

"Thumb war?"

"What?" Keith asked, looking up from what was quickly becoming a disaster in a cup to see Lance sticking his hand out over the counter.

"Thumb war. If I win we can go train. If you win then we go see Red and Blue." He reasoned. Keith sighed. He looked to see his boyfriend's - no, _Lance's_ expression set into one of exhausted determination. Right. Based on the way his hands were currently shaking and how messy and unkempt his hair was... It wouldn't hurt to humor him.

"Fine," He agreed and left the coffee to boil a bit more as he grabbed his hands "But this is kind of stupid... Do you remember thumb wars? That's a weird thing to remember."

"I don't know. Just go with it." Lance hummed and attempted to trap his thumb under his. His hands were a little sweaty, but they were still soft and warm so Keith squeezed a little tighter. He easily pulled his thumb back, moving to snag Lance's thumb under his when his sight was momentarily blocked and something warm pressed against his mouth.

"I win!"

"I - wait." Keith blinked and looked down at their hands. Sure enough, Lance had his thumb pinned down. "No fair! You cheated,” he said, face burning. "You...you can’t distract me like that!” He argued. His lips were still tingling from where Lance had kissed him. 

“Oh. Sorry.” Lance told him “Another round?” 

“Fine,” Keith sighed and slid his hands back together “Don’t cheat this time.” 

...He did it again. 

“I win!” 

“Nope. You’re disqualified.” Keith told him, pushing away the want to continue kissing him. He would lose a thousand thumb wars if he could... 

“You’re just a sore loser.”

Keith opened his mouth to shoot out an indignant response when a loud gurgle rose behind him. There was a hiss of something and they both jumped just in time to see the coffee boil over, spilling in a thick, glumpy sludge across the counter. 

“Does coffee normally look like that?”

“Shut up.”

"It was a geniuine question!"

* * *

"Coran says I'm sick." Lance said as they made their way to Red's hangar. They had left the coffee disaster behind them after a quick cleanup. Keith wondered if Coran would attempt to hunt him down over it later.

"Yes."

"You must have known," Lance wheedled and caught his hand, intertwining their fingers together "Why didn't you tell me?"

Keith... Didn't know how to answer. They stopped walking for a second and Keith could only stare at him. He thought about what Pidge said. About what Shiro said. They both had a point and yet...

"Would you hurt someone if it meant keeping them safe?"

"What?"

"Would you hurt someone if it meant keeping them safe?" Keith repeated "Like...Either way is bad... But things also got more complicated to where if you don't make things a little worse on purpose that they could get really, really bad on accident." He explained clumsily, trying desperately to think of a reasonable way to put this. Lance stared.

"Is this what you were talking about earlier? When you said you wanted to tell me something?"

"Yeah."

"Hm..." Lance hummed and let go of him. The warmth left his hands and Keith almost wanted to reach back out to grab him. He forced himself to clench them into fists and wait. "Do you think I'm stupid?"

Uh...What? Keith blinked. Lance seemed to be waiting for an answer so he very slowly shook his head.

"Are you sure?" Lance asked, raising an eyebrow "I don't remember anything about how I used to be, but I must have given off that impression."

"I mean... You could be a little..." Keith trailed off and winced. This was a trap. "Your mind was sometimes focused on other stuff."

Lance snorted. He took a step towards him and Keith found himself stepping back in spite of himself

"Tell me about myself."

"What?"

"What's my favorite color? My favorite thing to read?"

"Why do-"

"How many siblings do I have? Do I have any pets?"

"You ne-"

"Do I have any hobbies? What was my life like back on the planet we're from? How did I get here?"

"I thoug-"

"Do you know _anything_ about me?" Lance asked and Keith felt the cold metal of the wall behind him hit his back "Or are you just as clueless as I am?"

That stung.

Keith flinched, feeling his back press against the wall. He hadn't realized Lance had kept moving until he was pressed up on the cool metal, feeling it force him to stay still as blue eyes stared him down intensely. He opened his mouth and shut it again. Lance waited.

"I know you get cold easily." He whispered and Lance blinked "And that when you're thinking about Cuba you tend to hum. You can be really competitive and you really, _really_ like to flirt... You also tell the _worst_ jokes and bite your lip when you're sad. When you get angry you speak in Spanish and you can also knit. Sometimes you think there are ghosts roaming the castle so you always check the closets when we go into bedrooms. You... You're really patient when you want to be, but when you don't then you don't bother giving anyone a second glance." He continued and looked down "You also hate me."

There. He said it. The cold, bitter truth.

Lance's eyes dug into him. After a few seconds he stepped away, leaving Keith to realize he had been overwhelmed with the scent of salt and flowers. He forced himself to look up and took in Lance's stance carefully. He looked... Calm. Tired. Not particularly shocked by the revelation, but the slight pout to his lips almost made him seem...Disappointed.

"Do I?" He asked, and tilted his head "And do I normally hate the people that I date?"

"No..."

"So you must be pretty special."

"Lance," He sighed "You know what I'm trying to say."

"Then actually say it."

Keith scowled. He wanted to shout back at him to fuck off, but figured that wasn't the best option. Besides, he was in the wrong here. He knew that. Still his tongue felt heavy and for some reason, the truth of it all seemed caught in his throat, desperately trying to claw its way back down. 

"I'm sorry." He said instead and Lance shook his head, turning away. “Lance-”

”You said Red was yours, right? Before I got him?” He asked, spinning back around. Keith swallowed and nodded. Lance have a sharp exhale - his breath almost a laugh as he looked down. “Of course... No wonder he wanted me to like you so much.” He muttered, voice lowering with bitterness “I’m going back to bed.”

”What? Lance that isn’t a good idea-”

”Where else should I go?” He challenged “I don’t want to see you. I don’t want to see Red...or Blue. Or - Christ. Does the rest of the team know?” He asked and when Keith looked away, groaned. “Wow..."

“I’m sorry,” Keith whispered, and he had to fight to keep his voice steady. "Lance, let me explain."

"I really could not be less interested." Lance sighed and ran a hand over his face "I just...Yeah. I'm just going to go."

"Wait - I. Fuck." Keith said and almost through himself in front of Lance to block his path "This is why Pidge said I shouldn't tell you. With the depression and-"

"With the what?"

Oh _fuck_. Keith winced. This was getting worse and worse by the second. He took a breath, trying desperately to think of something to say that would fix all of this, but froze when Lance's eyes widened a bit. A sinking sensation hit his stomach and Keith was left with the reality he had just created. Lance's fingers twitched.

"You... You all thought that by you _pretending_ to date me that I would stop being depressed? Which, by the way, _thank you_ for letting me know about!" He spit out. Keith took a step back. He had figured Lance was mad before, but something about his tone changed, leaving the other paladin to wonder if he had actually seen the other boy upset before. "What the fuck?"

"No," Keith shook his head "No - it wasn't like that at all. We didn't realize you were sick. Only Hunk knew and he didn't... He didn't know about me lying to you until recently. It wasn't anyone's fault but mine." He quickly got out. He wouldn't let the rest of the team take the fall for it. Lance had hated him before... It wouldn't make too much of a difference if he hated him now. For the others though... "It's just...You don't have your memories so we weren't sure if you would be able to deal with things on your own." He reasoned.

This...Was not the right thing to say.

"So I was just some weakling you had to lie to in order to protect?"

"No! We just thought you needed some support or something!"

"By lying to me?!"

"Lance, I'm _sorry._ " Keith said. He almost wanted to remind Lance that he warned him - he said it was okay. Still, Lance appeared to have only said that to buy them more time... He was bound to be mad either way and Keith had already committed to his mistake. Weakly, he tried to think of more to say, but Lance already cut him off.

"Just get out of my way." He spat out "If you were really sorry about all of this then you would just let me leave."

Keith stared. He had always been better at rash decisions.

But this wasn't his decision to make.

He stepped aside. Lance pushed past him, moving down the hallway when he stopped walking for a second. Keith felt his heart quicken. He wasn't sure what he wanted Lance to do. Hit him. Scream. Forgive him. Cry. Yell... Something. He turned and for a second Keith could have sworn he saw resignation in his eyes before he turned away once more.

"I almost wish I could lose my memory all over again." Came the callous retort and Keith was left to consider those words as Lance disappeared around the corner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Teammates who lie together...Die together, I guess. RIP Lance's faith in Voltron.
> 
> This chapter is also known as 'that time everyone literally rekted Keith with their mean responses'. Sorry, my dude. I promise the next chapter will get a little better for you. 
> 
> Lastly, if Red's pronouns switch around...My bad. I tried to make them uniform but like. Lance called Red a 'she' and Keith called Red a 'he' and I'm just going with this lion being genderfluid. I figure a giant, magical robot cat wouldn't care too much anyways... Clearly, they are too busy giving Keith grief instead.
> 
> Thanks for reading! The last chapter should come at some point next week. It should hold the answers you and Keith have been searching for lol. Also, Lance will finally get his memories back.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi. It's been a while! Here's a thing
> 
> Disclaimer: vld is not mine

"Stab me."

"I'm not going to do that," Shiro said, not looking up from whatever he was writing down "No matter how many times you ask me."

"...Shoot me."

"I don't have a gun."

"I feel like I'm not asking for much," Keith whined as he glowered at his friend, arms crossed and pressed close to his chest. Shiro snorted and looked up, finally meeting his eyes.

"I'm proud of you for telling him," He said "But I will say that if you had maybe mentioned it a bit sooner...Maybe around the time I had first mentioned telling him then-"

"I _do not_ need an 'I told you so' right now."

"I wasn't!" Shiro objected and clicked his tongue "Although now that you mention it..."

"Shiro."

"Sorry, sorry... Have you tried speaking to him?" His friend asked. He bit his lip a little, worry dancing in his eyes as his gaze flicked towars the door and back to Keith. "I know Hunk and Pidge have been trying to spend time with him, but... He's being... Stubborn."

"What a surprise," Keith sighed "I did try once. It didn't go well." He admitted and kicked the leg of the table "He hasn't gotten more sick, has he?" He asked and Shiro pressed his lips together, but didn't answer. 

"It'll be easier once we have his memories. Pidge and Coran think they might have some idea of how the lions could help. Hunk was saying they just need an increased connection for a few seconds." He said "Right now Blue and Red just can't seem to fully mind meld with him... Probably because he doesn't trust them either," Shiro sighed. Keith took a long breath.

This was all his fault. He should have listened to Pidge. She was smarter than all of them - why didn't he listen to her? Perhaps Shiro sensed this because his eyes snapped to Keith's face before sitting up a bit straighter.

"Keith," He started, but the boy just shook his head and turned away. He needed to train. Or....something. The weight of his decisions was choking him with his own hands. Shiro didn't follow him as he stomped out the door. He should be coming up with more training drills... Perhaps Allura could help him until he was able to get his mind out of the gutter. She used to coordinate their old reigmens after all.

"She isn't here."

"Hi Pidge," Keith muttered as he glowered at the otherwise empty bridge. "I'm pretty sure that's how you greet people."

He wasn't the shining example of social adeptness, but he knew he at least had that part down.

"Somebody is moody," Pidge threw back, looking up from her laptop to mess with some wiring. There was a sizzling sound her eyes widened momentarily before pulling her hand back with a scowl "Damnit... Anyways, Allura isn't here." She sighed, clicking a few more keys "I'm assuming that's why you're here. Nobody ever comes here unless there is a mission or they are looking for Coran or Allura."

"You're here."

"I'm an enigma, Keith." She muttered, rolling her eyes before wrinkling her nose at the wires. Keith shuffled a bit and her eyes snapped to him "She's with Lance."

"What?" He asked, fighting to keep his voice level "I thought Lance didn't want to see any of us."

"He doesn't," Pidge agreed "But he isn't exactly in the position to stop anyone. He hasn't eaten anything but some nutrition packets in two days, hasn't left his bed in even longer, and can't focus on a conversation to save his life." She clicked her tongue "I don't know how he copes with this shit when he has his memories, but it must be some magical potion because it is kicking his ass now." She said and her hand twitched.

"Maybe we just didn't do a good job noticing." Keith suggested and Pidge froze in her movements before letting her shoulders slump.

"Maybe," She sighed "How are you doing?"

"Fine," Keith answered, instinct kicking in "I should go help Allura."

"I wouldn't. Allura is the best one to handle this." Pidge told him and Keith's expression must have given something away because she gave an apologetic smile before going back to her work "He said if we had to send someone to be with him it had to be her specifically... It's not like we can refuse him."

Right. Of course he asked for Allura. The girl he actually _liked_. He swallowed and looked around the room. There went his plans. He nodded at Pidge before turning to head for the hangars. Perhaps bonding with Black was the best route. Pidge opened her mouth - perhaps to call after him - but he didn't give her the chance as he left the podium area towards the main part of the ship.

He gave Black a mental nudge, letting the lion know he was coming to visit and felt a warm embrace in return.

At least Black didn't hate him.

Winding his way through the empty hallways to where the room exploded into space he smiled a bit when he saw Black waiting patiently for him. Her eyes glowed a bright yellow when he approached and he felt their connection strengthen.

"I'm a mess," He informed her. The lion didn't seemed surprised. Instead he heard a distant rumbling in the back of his mind - almost like laughter. He rolled his eyes. Black wasn't an asshole like Red, but she certainly had her annoying moments. He shouldn't be surprised. Both Zarkon and Shiro piloted her... and Keith now. Clearly, Black didn't have the best judgement.

A low growl entered his mind.

"I mean... Shiro was _okay_ , I guess." He amended and reached out so he could touch her paw. It was strange. Sometimes when he was particularly close with Black he could sometimes feel fur underneath his fingers instead of the cool, Altean metal. He assumed it had something to do with their link, though he had no idea why it was necessary... He realized now it was a bit comforting to run his hand through the imaginary strands of fur.

"Did I do the right thing?"

Silence.

"I mean _after_ I did the wrong thing." He added, pulling his hand back so he could cross his arms. Black gave a wave of acknowledgement, but the feeling was noncomittal. It looked as though his lion was as unsure about telling Lance the truth as was he was. Keith sighed and went to change the subject when a loud siren interrupted him, almost shaking the entire castle.

"Paladins!" Coran's voice said over the speaker "We have incoming Galra ships." He warned and Keith slammed open his comms. A benefit in wandering around the castle with your armor was that you were always prepared in case of an emergency.

"Open a wormhole!" He commanded and Coran's voice crackled to life from the speakers to the comms.

"Sorry, number three," He answered and for a second Keith turned to find Lance before remembering he now had the honored title of 'Number Three' after his growth spurt (to which Lance had _not_ been happy to hear). "They were cloaked and now the castle sensors have detected them they are too close for us to jump."

Damnit. Keith had been hoping to avoid this scenario. He opened the rest of the comms, backing up so Black could open her doors.

"Everyone except Lance get to your lions."

"Fuck off, Keith." Lance's voice sourly retorted. He almost jumped at it. Had Allura shown him where his armor was? Why would she help him get ready for a battle he definitely should not be participating in? "I'm coming with you guys."

"Are you sure you're up for that, buddy?" Hunk's voice crackled in "You haven't moved in a couple days."

"Lance, stay here." Keith added, keeping his voice stern and as leader-ish as he could manage.

"No."

"You're going to be in the way!" Keith hissed back, throwing himself into the cockpit "Stay. Here."

"Lance," Pidge chimed in "Keith is the leader. We have this covered. Promise."

No response. Keith wasn't sure if that was a good or bad thing. He hoped it was Lance relenting and turned to check in with the one remaining paladin.

"Allura? Are you heading to Blue?" He asked, shooting Black out of her hangar. The lion tensed, trying to locate where the others were at before letting Keith get involved in the battle.

"Uh... I'm coming." She answered, voice a bit strained "I tried to get Lance to go to the bridge with Shiro."

"Just tell Shiro to go get him," Keith said and watched as Yellow and Green appeared. The ships were surrounding them, already firing beams. He dodged a few, desperately trying to keep himself from hitting back until everyone was accounted for. "We need to hurry and take care of this."

"I don't think that is going to be possible..." She sighed and before Keith could ask what she meant there was a flash of red.

God. Fucking. _Damnit_.

"I told you to stay!" He hissed "Pidge! Hunk! Watch Red." He growled and pulled in closer. Honestly - they were having the problem in getting him to move and now they couldn't get him to _stay_? Ire bubbled under his skin, clawing at his chest violently. Black nudged him, reminding him to focus. Blue glided up next to him.

"Red told me to come!" Came Lance's response. His face popped up over the comms and Keith almost had to do a doubletake. The paladin looked terrible. He was reminded of the time they were all stranded in space for that endless amount of time with the dark circles under his eyes. His hair was greasy and unkempt, lips chapped, and overall just... Exhausted. Keith swore.

Fucking Red. The asshole.

Perhaps Red heard him because there was a very distant growl in the back of his mind that didn't come from Black.

"Do you remember how to pilot?" He hissed, swerving and dodging. He made a mental note of where everyone was and fired his first attack.

"Red will walk me through it."

Keith wondered if Black would be opposed to spitting him out and just letting the Galra murder him brutally. It seemed like the easiest alternative.

The glaran ships moved in closer, shooting more readily. Keith gritted his teeth and began to weave between them, taking a few of the smaller ones down. He could see a few more zipping closer and sighed. There was a chance that they could take down the fleet as separate lions... but he was also aware the whole thing would be done a lot quicker if they formed Voltron.

Honestly, why did they even bother with separate lions? 90% of the time they needed to form Voltron anyways. To his right, Allura froze a few more ships and Hunk shot them up into flames. Keith's eyes went to where the castle's particle barrier was fully loaded and shooting beams. Pidge was next to Lance, the pair taking down a ship with a surprising amount of ease. Maybe they could handle it...

"Lance," He called through the comms tersely "Do you think Red could help you with forming Voltron?" He asked and shot down another ship. There was a sharp intake at his question.

"Uh. Yeah. I think so. Definitely." Lance said, almost breathlessly. Keith didn't have time to question it and yelled for them to get into formation.

The good news: They formed Voltron

More good news: Most of the ships scattered at the sight of it

Bad news: Lance broke away.

Keith wasn't entire sure what happened. One second they were fully formed and charged and the next there was a defeaning scream that almost shattered their comms before Red separated in disturbing array of crackling electricity. For a second the lions all seemed to feel it - Keith's mind flashed and he felt his body fall forward.

 _"Lance... Lance... Hey, it's okay..."_ Someone whispered. His vision swirled and a girl's face was suddenly in front of him. _"Come on, mi cielo. It's okay. Just come with me, alright?"_

_"He's hurt!"_

_"I know, Lance. But you have to let go or else the doctors can't help him."_

_"He's scared, Veronica! I can't leave him!"_

Colors swirled. Colors. Flashing. Sirens. Screaming. Crying. It was a dizzing array of emotions and feelings that left him choking on air as he tried to remember where he was and what was happening and his own name.

_"Who are you?"_

_"Uh, the name's Lance?"_

More shouting. Anger. Frustration. Colors. Yelling. Fear. Fear. Fear. Fear.

_"They wouldn't keep me on the team if I didn't contribute in some way...Would they?"_

_"The Black Lion wouldn't choose anybody it didn't feel was worthy to lead Voltron."_

_"I'm just a boy from Cuba... Not a space prince like Lotor."_

_"Keith!"_

"Keith!"

"KEITH! HELP!"

The universe jolted back into focus all at once. Four ships still remained, but Red wasn't moving and Hunk, Pidge, and Allura were each trying to battle one while the fourth struck from behind. Keith dove back in, shaking the echoes of Lance's voice from the back of his mind. A few more minutes passed and finally the of the ships went up in flames. Keith heaved in a breath, letting his heart thud loudly in his ears before swerving around to find Red.

"Is everyone okay?" He asked and felt his stomach tighten when he couldn't find Lance.

"Yeah," Came a chorus of responses.

"Lance just landed in the castle," Shiro's voice came quietly over the comms. "He passed out for a couple minutes. I think he hit his head pretty bad."

Christ.

Keith threw black into gear, waiting until he was sure the others were in their hangars before easing his own lion back to the castle. Fuck, fuck, _fuck_. Panic clawed at his throat. He wasn't entirely sure what just happened, but he found it didn't really matter. Not if Lance was hurt. Was this somehow his fault? Would he had listened if he trusted Keith? God, he could have died. He could _be_ dying -

He went to leave, but Black hurled him back. He yelped at the intensity of her presence.

"What was that?" He snarled at her.

 _"We did it...We do make a good team_."

Keith frowned. He wasn't sure why Lance's voice was replaying, but he could feel a blurry picture forming. Warmth in his hand. Something hurting his chest and a splash of red and black in front of him. He shook his head. He didn't have time for this.

"Keith," Allura greeted when he walked into the room "Remember your temper-"

"I told you," Keith hissed when his eyes found Lance "To _stay here_."

"So I heard," Lance muttered, rubbing his head. Keith tried to scan for any physical injuries. When none made themselves visible he turned to Shiro, who shook his head.

"Look," He said, forcing himself to take a deep breath "I know you're mad at me. That's fine. I deserve it. But even when you had your memories you respected me as our leader. Hell, you supported me through it." He said and Lance's brows furrowed a bit as he flicked his gaze up to him "You could have gotten hurt." 

"Red said-"

"Red is reckless!" He found himself shouting and inwardly winced. It was something he always had trouble with...A little. Red and Lance. Keith had always thought they were a bit of a poor match. Lance was too... Lance to understand the lion's personality. Red needed someone who was able to take risks and be willing to trust the lion's instincts. And Lance needed a lion who was more patient and less willing to throw their pilot in the deep end to teach them a lesson. Granted, Keith knew Red would be as protective of Lance as he was of Keith, but... a misunderstanding between the two could be fatal.

He used to think maybe had misjudged the pair and they were a good team after all. Now though...

"I trust Red." Lance said evenly, voice going hard with certainty.

"I thought you were mad at him," Keith gritted out and Lance shrugged.

"I am. But I trust him."

Keith took a long breath.

"I'm going to train," He announced. Now wasn't the time to have this conversation. He was too wound up - and he had leftover adrenaline rushing through him. He spun around and looked for Allura's gaze. She nodded when he found it and went to sit next to Lance. He tried to ignore everyone's eyes as he walked away.

* * *

"Ah, hello boyfriend. Come to yell at me more?"

Right. He probaby deserved that. Three hours of training had calmed Keith down enough to the point where he figured he probably owed Lance a real conversation. He had waited ten minutes outside of Lance's door before finally knocking. Now he stood awkwardly in the doorway, watching as Lance glared at him from his bed.

"Hey," He sighed and held out a cup "I made coffee... Actually, Hunk made coffee, but I wanted to see if you were alright so... Yeah. I asked him to make some." He sighed. He still didn't know if Lance liked coffee or any of that, but figured it was worth a shot. Lance blinked and took the cup slowly, taking a small sip. The doors slid closed behind Keith with a loud clunk and he quickly took a step back so he wasn't so close to the bed.

"Not bad... Maybe some more milk next time." He said, licking the remainder of the drink off of his lips. Keith crossed his hands over his chest, nodding absently. "I'm fine." He added, eyes flicking Keith up and down warily. Right. Okay. It wasn't like he would tell Keith if something was wrong anyways. Not after... Everything.

"Good," Keith said and sighed "Look...I'm sorry I yelled earlier. I know it was probably really...Overwhelming out there fighting with you not remembering anything and feeling like shit and stuff." He rambled and inwardly sighed. He should have just turned around and left. Why was he still here? Lance very clearly did not want to see him. Still, he felt as though he hadn't properly apologized for the situation...like  _this other one_ and that was probably something he should do.

"Red helped me through most of it." Lance shrugged. He was sitting cross-legged, cup clasped tightly between his hands.

"I bet he did," Keith grumbled. Asshole. One day he was going to go back to that lion and give him a piece of his mind. Why did Lance get babied by the lion more so than Keith? It wasn't fair. "Look... I need to actually let you know how sorry I am about the other thing... And give you a proper explanation for everything." He sighed "Can I sit?"

"But of course! How can I refuse the love of my life?" Lance muttered and Keith decided to go with it for now and grabbed Lance's desk chair to pull up diagnal to him.

"Listen... You don't like me. You never did. Not even when we were kids. After we got launched into space it seemed to get... Worse. Then, Shiro went missing and I had to take over flying Black. I don't want to say we were friends or anything, but... I don't know. You were on my side. You were the first person to accept me as the leader and kept me level headed when I was new at the whole thing." He sighed, running a hand through his hair "But I wouldn't go as far as saying you liked me very much. We still argued and stuff... You just respected me more, I guess. Then I went and trained with the Blade and... It was like you hated me all over again." He bit his lip "Not always, but... Sometimes you could be so _bitter_ about things." He admitted, thinking of Lance's cutting comments when he first returned.

"And..." Keith continued "Then this happened and I didn't want it to stop." He admitted out and when Lance's expression remained the same, forced the rest of the words out before he could regret them "You liked me and you've never liked me before and I knew I should tell you, but if I did then you would stop liking me and I just wanted a bit more time." He breathed out "And I know that doesn't make it okay, but I swear I never wanted you to be upset..." He trailed off. Lance was staring at him with a guarded expression "You trusted me and...I just liked it. I am so sorry." He finished and looked down "I don't know what is going to happen when you get your memory back, but... I hope you can believe I never meant to hurt you."

Lance didn't respond at first.

"How did we really meet?" He asked. Keith felt his shoulders slump.

"I didn't completely lie about that," He offered weakly "The whole thing with you coming to talk to me and asking about my drawings was all true." He said and bit his lip "It just... Kind of didn't end as nicely?" He winced "You move your hands a lot when you talk and so you accidentally knocked some water on my sketchpad and I was _pissed_. I said some not-so-nice things and tried to hit you. You got really upset and started screaming back. It was not pretty." He sighed. Lance snorted.

"Yeah... Well. It _was_ an accident. I didn't mean to spill anything," He shrugged "And how could I not be bitter about you leaving? We were starting to actually be friends and you just ditched me. It kind of hurt, dude. Not to mention you should _know_ how much that sucks since your mom did the same thing to you and you _still_ decided to not only leave, but to completely ignore us. No checking in. No phone calls. No visits. That's pretty cold, Keith." Lance told him and took another sip of his coffee "I used to think I should talk to you about it, but considering recent events... I think you'll understand." He muttered and Keith stared. His mouth was hanging open, horror washing over his body so that his fingers felt cold and numb.

"You... How... _When_?!" He spluttered out and Lance smiled.

"After we formed Voltron. The lions' combined energy seemed to be enough to restore everything from Blue and Red." He said. Keith blinked. Fuck. He had not mentally prerpared for this conversation yet. He thought back to the weird visions he had in Black. Lance's memories... Did he see some of them through the lions' connection?

"Do the others know?"

"Nope," Lance said "They can wait."

"This wasn't their fault."

"Yeah... Sweet of you to say." Lance told him and pressed a hand to his forehead "You're a real dick, you know that?"

"I... Yeah, okay." Keith muttered. "I kind of am surprised you're so... Calm about this." He added, brows creasing. He hadn't spit in his face yet or screamed or punched him. Each surprising in itself.

"I do what I can." Lance said and leaned back "Would you rather me freak out?"

"A...Little?"

"Tough," Lance told him "Can I ask some questions now?"

"I...Guess?"

"I..." Lance started and chewed on his lip. After a couple seconds he sighed "God, this is so _embarassing_ ," He groaned "I didn't make you uncomfortable, did I?"

....what?

"Did...You make _me_ uncomfortable?" Keith repeated and clicked his tongue "I'm...Not sure what you mean."

"Well I fucking thought we were dating, didn't I?" Lance snapped back "I was...Flirting and kissing and stuff." He winced, face going bright red as he tapped his fingers nervously on his cup, eyes focused on the ground "And I remember thinking it was weird that you didn't seem all that into it and now...Ugh. That mystery is solved."

"You...do realize that's my fault, right?"

"You just said the only reason you went with this was because you liked that I was being nice to you! That doesn't mean you wanted to make-out with me! And I honest to God didn't realize how desperate you were just get me to stop teasing you - I'm sorry you had to put up with me being a fake-boyfriend just for me to be nice."

What was happening?

"Lance I - No. What are you even...?" Keith began, utterly bewildered "The only reason I didn't like doing that stuff was because it was based on me _lying to you_. Not because I was uncomfortable."

"...Oh." Lance said and scowled "Then what the Hell?"

"I know," Keith sighed "It was wrong. I'm sorry." He said for probably the thousandth time. Lance stared. They both went silent.

"So... It wasn't to humiliate me. Or get back at me for anything," Lance finally said "And nobody was threatening you...?"

"No, Lance. I wasn't being threatened into pretending to date you." Keith muttered and Lance leaned back.

"Huh... Okay then."

This all felt very surreal.

"Um...Okay?"

"Yeah. It's fine. I'm too tired to really be that upset anyways," Lance shrugged and Keith was jolted into another reminder that hey. Lance was fucking _dealing with shit_. He looked... Well he still looked rough, but the way he moved and spoke... It almost made Keith not notice it. He wondered if it had always been this way. Lance depressed and them just unaware because he good at playing it off.

"What do you need?" He asked and Lance's head tilted to the side.

"What do I need?" He repeated and Keith nodded.

"Yeah. You have your memories and stuff now, right? So...That means you know how to deal with things better. So you can tell me how I can help." He said logically. Lance stared.

"It... It doesn't quite work that way..." He said slowly "Back at home I had therapists and stuff. I was on medication for a little while, but I was doing good so I went off of it. Now that I'm here I just... Try to focus on taking care of myself until it passes and make sure I'm spending time with you guys." He said. Keith got the feeling that wasn't quite all of it, but he was in no position to call him out. He had no reason to demand Lance's trust "But thank you."

"Well I can spend time with you now," Keith pointed out and immediately saw the flaw in that plan "Uh...Unless you hate me and don't want to."

Lance took a sip of his coffee.

"I don't understand," He murmured "Why are you doing this?"

It was honestly hard to say who was more confused by the other. Keith bit the inside of his cheek. He figured since he was the one who created this mess he might as well be the one to lay out all cards on the table. It was only fair, after all. He took a deep breath. Emotions. Right. He had this. Communication. Keith was a _pro_ at it. Totally.

"Because I care about you and I want to help you. I realized throughout all of this that I know... Not a lot about you and that kind of sucks because it turns out I really like being around you and would to continue to, uh, keep being around you. If that's okay. With you."

Right. Total pro.

Lance looked like Keith had just hit him. Or perhaps not. Lance might be less surprised if Keith hit him.

"I don't know a lot about you either," He pointed out. Keith hummed. Solid point.

"I had a pet lizard once," He offered "I found him in our backyard. I named him Lizard."

Amusement flickered at Lance's lips.

"Lizard the lizard?"

"It made sense."

"...did it though?" Lance asked, but his voice was warm. Encouraged, Keith nodded.

"I mean. It makes more sense than calling him Rabbit or something."

"I hope you are not the one who names your children, Keith." Lance snorted. He really should have been more offended, but Keith was too relieved that Lance wasn't throttling him to care all that much. A moment of silence washed over them and Lance looked at him for a few seconds before sighing. "If you want...Go ahead and ask me something then."

Keith froze. Okay. He had this. What was a good question? He was walking a fragile line that could either remedy or ruin their relationship. He had to-

"Do you actually like coffee?" He blurted out "Before you said you didn't like the tea Allura made so I made coffee, but maybe you hate it."

Keith wondered if Black was aware of how much of a mess he was before she chose him as her paladin or if she did it on purpose because she was bored or something. He swore he heard the lion puttering around in the back of his head, whipping her tail in exasperation. Lance looked down at his lap, shielding his face for a second before looking up at him again.

"Yes. Coffee is probably my favorite thing to drink. My mom always gets on about me drinking too much of it." He said and Keith nodded, a bit satisfied with the answer. "Can I ask something else?" He asked and Keith shrugged. "If there had been no way for me to get my memory back would you have kept pretending?"

Ah. Right. They were back here then. He wondered if Kosmo could zap him out of the room real fast.

"Uh..." He started and stopped "I... Fuck, Lance." He muttered, frustration rising. "I don't think so."

To his surprise, Lance looked away at that.

"Huh. I would have thought you would have liked me more without my memories."

"Why?" Keith asked, tucking a foot under other leg "I was pretty useless to you when you were without them. I didn't know how to answer any questions you had or help you."

"I was easier to deal with though," Lance pointed out. Keith pursed his lips.

"I guess... But I kind of missed you picking fights with me."

"Really?"

"The grass is always greener on the other side." Keith sighed and leaned back "I don't know. It's like I said before... It was only after that part of you was gone that I realized I might want to get to know it better." He admitted, focusing a bit on a lose string at the end of his jacket to play with instead of on Lance himself "But I guess it was kind of nice to have a conversation with you that didn't end in yelling."

"Fair enough." Lance said and put the coffee down. "Maybe we can compromise from now on. We only yell...Twice a week."

"Ambitious."

"Four times."

"More realistic," Keith laughed "What do we do the rest of the time?"

"Drink coffee?" Lance suggest "You've been so focused on whether or not I like coffee I haven't had the chance to ask if you like it."

"It is honestly disgusting and I would rather die than take a sip of it." Keith informed him gravely. Lance rolled his eyes but nodded. "Hot chocolate is good though."

"Fine. Hot chocolate for you and coffee for me." Lance amended and stretched his arms out "Then we can train or something so you don't combust at the lack of moving." He added. Keith smirked at that. Black purred at the back of his mind. Which reminded him...

"Hey...When we formed Voltron earlier..."

"Hm?"

"I saw some stuff." He said and Lance's eyes snapped to him, widening a bit in alarm "I think Black was showing me some of your memories or something." He said and explained what he had seen. Lance listened quietly before noddding.

"The first one was from when my brother got shot." He mused and Keith's head snapped up "I was like...Nine, maybe? We were visiting a family friend in New York and Luis promised to take me to see all the stupid tourist stuff while our parents got dinner. Only this guy tried to mug us and things escalated..." He sighed "I remember that I called my sister instead of the police because in Cuba the emergency number was different and I was too scared to remember whether it was 999 or 911 or 991 or something else." He snorted. Keith stared.

"Is that why you don't like guns?"

"Yep." Lance told him popping the p at the end "Not sure why my bayard decided that was a good fit, but..." He gestured vaguely "I try not to read into it." He murmured. Keith shifted.

"My dad died in a fire," He offered, forcing the words to stumble off of his tongue "He was a firefighter so it wasn't a super surprising way to go, but...It wasn't great to hear that my lion was the guardian of fire when I first got here." He admitted "Maybe the lions have a sick sense of humor."

"I wouldn't be surprised," Lance muttered "Red is a bit of an asshole sometimes."

" _Right?!"_ Keith yelled and there was a low growl that rumbled over the castle "Oh, you know it's true." He snapped at the lion. He turned back to Lance, feeling his eyes narrow slightly "Wait... The last memory Black showed me..." He trailed off and Lance offered a wry grin "You do remember the bonding moment! I _knew_ it!" He demanded "You lied! I can't believe-"

"Hey," Lance interrupted "I'll admit I might have... Had some recollection of that moment, but considering current circumstances I _think_ you can overlook it." He said dryly and Keith muttered a little at that. Traitor. "I just was a little confused by it, mullet. I didn't really want that discussion to happen yet."

Keith shrugged. He was unwilling to let himself be hurt by that. Lance did have a point. All things considered, Lance's offense was much lesser than his own. Besides, Keith might not have been ready for that conversation yet, either. He started playing with the string again. Should he leave? The conversation seemed to have stopped. It would be a bit awkward for him to just stand up and leave, right? Oh God... Maybe he should go train again. He wasn't sure how -

"Can I ask you something else?" Lance blurted out and before Keith could answer he spat out his words like if he didn't say them within the next three seconds he might explode "Are we friends?"

Keith stared. It was the same question that got them into this mess and he still wasn't for sure how to answer it.

"It's a bit complicated."

Lance shook his head.

"Maybe you should explain to me what that means this time."

Ah, shit. He blinked and Lance sighed, moving over so he could directly face Keith.

"Do you _want_ us to be friends?" He asked and Keith bit his lip.

"Do  _you_?"

"I asked first," Lance told him and Keith groaned. Why him? Lance shook his head, shifting a little to move away, but Keith snatched his wrist before he could think better of it. The pair stared at one another. Why was it so  _hard_ to ask the questions he really wanted to ask? 

"Friends is...Fine." He choked out "But I wouldn't mind being...Closer." He said and cursed his tongue for feeling like led in his mouth. Shiro had been right, damn him. Maybe. Just...Kind of. It was just...Now that Lance was here as...Well. The Lance he knew before this whole fiasco... The idea of it wasn't _terrible._ Lance furrowed his brows before crossing his arms over his chest. Shit, shit, shit. This was so confusing. Did he want to date Lance?

"Closer?" He repeated and leaned in "This close?"

Fuck. Fuck, he was going to die. His heart did a flip. Was this a good sign? It wouldn't hurt to just...

"Closer maybe."

Lance leaned in a little more.

"This close?"

"Closer."

He could feel a soft breath of laughter escape the other boy as he shifted so he was at the edge of the bed, almost nose-to-nose.

"Closer." Keith said before he had a chance to ask and Lance's lips were brushing against his own. Keith idly wondered if he would pass out from this. Either from the heart attack he was sure he was having or because they were practically breathing the same air and had to run out of oxygen eventually.

"This close enough?" Lance asked and Keith forced himself not to move forward. He had taken so much of Lance's time and decisions recently that this one thing should be his to control alone. He licked his lips and stayed still.

"Up to you," He finally forced out, voice tight and choked.

Thank _God_ Lance kissed him because Keith was pretty sure he might have combusted if he waited a second later. Unable to take it anymore he pulled his shirt so the other boy practically fell into his lap. For some reason this time felt a bit different fromt he other times he had gotten to kiss Lance. Maybe it was because it more honest than before or maybe it was because Keith didn't feel like actual satan this time..or maybe it was that Lance seemed much more passionate about it. Perhaps his memories were fueling feelings neither boys realized they had. He carded his hand into his hair.

"You have a real problem, Keith."

Whoops. He had forgotten about a few other people.

"I have my memories back, Shiro." Lance waved him away "Get out of my room."

"Wait wha-"

"Bye."

"No?" Shiro said and waved his hands to get their attention "Are you two serious, right now? Oh my - Stop it." He said and Lance groaned, putting his head on Keith's shoulder. "What is _happening_? No. Wait. _How_ did this happen?" He demanded and Lance looked at Keith, eyebrows raised.

"I honestly don't remember." Keith told him, face completely serious. Lance tipped his head back and laughed.

"Don't worry. I do."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Am I cheesy? Yes. Do I care? Nope. 
> 
> That's a wrap folks! I hope you liked it! 
> 
> Tumblr: https://caffeinatedflumadiddle.tumblr.com/  
> (If you want to see some me reblog some stuff and occasionally write things)


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